And so its time to say goodbye again to the place i call home.
Or perhaps the place i once called home..
okay lets not go there.
Gonna be a disgusting journey, but i'm excited.
Its true, i do miss home all the time,
but there's something about Port Augusta that constantly draws me back to it.
Maybe its just God.
I know i'm on the right path.
and i've never felt better about anything ever.
God's choices are ALWAYS the best for you,
all you gotta do is listen, and obey.
yoohoo!!
Here i come Port Augusta!
I see blessings and adventure ahead!
I will miss you, home.
Much love, Shaleen.
Friday, May 8, 2009
shaleeni jayamani is officially a permanent resident of Australia
:)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
dear folks,
Yes i've been busy. HONEST!
work's crazy! assignments due??!! friends to look after!
Lillian's moved out, so life's back to normal i suppose, which in a way is good as well coz it allows me to catch up on my own personal life, now i have the room to myself to study at any time i want to, to do my quiet time, and just to have my own personal space.
But i miss her though.
Had a seminar today, was just awesome! Work has been so flat strap that i really missed learning in an adult learning environment like in uni.
Looking forward to friday, will be driving my new little baby with the company of Michelle Ho all the way from Cleve, as well as Lillian and Sharon.. Gonna be a long drive all the way home after work, but i reckon i'd be alright.
Can't wait to get back to Adelaide! Just wanna see everyone again and smile from ear to ear!
:D
Saturday, April 25, 2009
so its been a while.
why?
because i have better things to do now than sit here and blog LOL.
so here's to yet another point form update:
Got another Malaysia girl in town for the month, Sharon, from uni. Knew her since SIT, so its great fun.
I'm signing up for curves, because its getting too dark to run outdoors these days.
Jaws died. Maybe I'm not a very good carer.
Looking after Helen's dogs again this week. Lost them again last night, but managed to find them despite the dark.
Work is getting better. Less dispensing mistakes, and more confident and independent. Still got lots to learn though.
Sudden exponential influx of men. Like men, not boys. MEN.
Bought my car. Very very pleased. Time to start repaying my bank loan.
Got my medicare sorted out as well. Looking out for car and health insurance now, and speaking of medicare, i really should get my Gardasil jab before since we can get it free for now.
2 weeks before i go to Adelaide. I'm very very excited.
Too lazy to write any more, got heaps of work to do.
i miss everyone more and more each time i go back to Adelaide it just gets worse after every trip :(
i wanna go back, back to everyone i love and back to everyone who loves me too :'(
belllleeeee :( :( :( i didn't get enough of you although we spent almost everyday of your stay together you always always always always make me cry! *pout* i miss you so so so terribly :(
hold me sweet Jesus, i feel so alone. But i know i'm not. I know You're here with me. There's nothing You and I cannot handle together.
Come on Shaleen, you've got the creator of the universe on your side. You shine with His glory :)
Hallelujah.
on a happy note, i studied really well today :) study buddy Jolene and I are back to our old '3o minute block' routine :) Good to push each other to keep going although we're so far away from each other now. Love you little monkey :)
ps: Study well 4th year pharmers, it'll be over soon. :)
no, i did not chop my head off either, in case you were wondering. Just had to show you my grad dress. Yes, the one which i had been going on and on about. And yes, the one i paid @()(#@!&*$^@!*&^#!(*! for...
Anywaaaayyyy.... pics! ;D
and oh, the pics of the baby wallaby that was at the pharmacy the other day.. look! how cuuuuteeeeee :D :D :D
sorry peeps, i'm just toooooooooo lazy to write proper posts these days.
anyway, i'm back to work!
and in case nobody noticed, i had 6 inches of my precious long locks cut off for my grad! i'm surprised that i actually like my new haircut :D
i finally bought my latest pet: a cute little goldfish named JAWS! hahaha should buy another one to keep little Jaws company
Cleaned up the house and the fridge and washed two weeks worth of laundry! ooh!
My bank loan got approved. Not very smart of me to have taken the loan at such a high interest rate. but well like daddy said, this is my first lesson in practical financing. which is true. i'm starting to learn all this now :)
I went jogging too! felt sooooooooooooooo good but gosh my legs are so weak now that going up a tiny slope is just pure agony! and only after two days of jogging, cranky old injured ankle decides to winge. now its all strapped up again. better stop hurting FAST, coz i wanna run regularly now. If only there was an indoor pool, at least i can swim instead of run then. maybe i should sign up for the city to bay run again this year down in adelaide :)
We were so flat out on thursday at the pharmacy that we couldn't get our stock order in on time which means we're gonna be in BIG trouble coz we're SOOOOO out of stock for tues. I better make sure i get the order in on tuesday early so that everything comes in on wednesday.
Feeling a little lonely this weekend. Port Augusta is heaps nice. The people are extremely nice too. but i still can't seem to make any friends who are in my age bracket who have similar interests as well. slowly i suppose.
can't wait to go to church tomorrow. :)
1 month left till i go back to Adelaide, and 7 weeks till i FLY HOME HOME HOME! :D :D :D
love u all, Shaleen
ps: for those who have confessed their addiction to my playlist, and visit this blog merely to listen to the songs ( and not read about me..*sigh*) i've added something new for u :)
*blows kisses*
Friday, April 10, 2009
car on its way
long weekend
gorgeous haircut
whole house to myself
started studying
exciting new friendships sprouting
new pet
one hour long telephone conversations
who wouldn't be on cloud 9?
too lazy to write today
love u all, Shaleen
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
thank you jon
for always believing in me
and reminding me of who i am
i cherish you
:)
Monday, April 6, 2009
Hands touch, eyes meet Sudden silence, sudden heat Hearts leap in a giddy whirl He could be that boy But I'm not that girl:
Don't dream too far Don't lose sight of who you are Don't remember that rush of joy He could be that boy I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal To the land of what-might-have-been But that doesn't soften the ache we feel When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb She who's winsome, she wins him Gold hair with a gentle curl That's the girl he chose And Heaven knows I'm not that girl:
Don't wish, don't start Wishing only wounds the heart I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl There's a girl I know He loves her so I'm not that girl
*smiles* why am i allllwwwaaaayyysss madly in love.
and why do i always deny it.
and i wonder why i lose out all the time.
maybe its time to give up current fantasies that are clearly heading into nothing but destruction.
if i'm gonna be needing to try so hard and carry such burdens, its clearly saying its not meant to be. maybe i'm just not listening.
but beneath all the chaos and confusion, deep in my heart i feel peace knowing and so convinced that my true prince will come.
and i won't even have to try.
so sit back and enjoy the ride :)
i love life.
its just, beautiful :)
Friday, March 27, 2009
today Helen and i were absolutely pushed to the limits i didn't crack under the pressure Helen, was pretty much cracking which i can totally understand, coz she's the owner of the pharmacy 3.30 and i finally get a bit of time for lunch i run over to Wendy's to get a hotdog and a milkshake i come back in.. and the pharmacy is FULL again and then i'm back in the dispensary dispensing, counselling patients, answering phone calls
and then i cracked
we are wayyy too understaffed
Helen appreciates my effort, i can tell just the way she smiles at me and how she calms down when i take the initiative to help even though i'm not clocked on i know i don't have to do it, like all the other staff, i can just sit there and insist that its my break and go "why are you on? ur on your break!? just don't bother!" but we're talking healthcare here people need their medication people need their advice pharmacists have a duty of care and its way more significant than a hot dog going cold or a milkshake melting
we have a responsibility and shop staff just don't get that
i'm so exhausted now i feel like hiding under my sheets and sobbing the thought of going in to work tmrw morn is just nauseating but the words every coach drummed into my head since i was 8 years old still rings till today:
NO PAIN, NO GAIN.
come on shaleen. This is the worst job scenario, but it's the best training you'll ever get. Be grateful. God has His reasons :)
haa i feel better now just remembering that my Jesus is watching and smiling at me from heaven :)
today mr xyz came in sorry, can't leave name of patients here, confidentiality. i could get sued if i did.
and as always he stood at the counter and talked to me as i prepared his prescription which he was picking up for his wife
and over last 3 months i've learnt to really love this sweet man. he's not that old, about daddy's age. comes in roughly every two weeks to pick up a truck load of meds, mostly for his wife. and there's just something about him which just melts my heart. i'm not sure if its just his tone of voice. or just the fact that he spends time getting to know me, genuinely. or maybe its just his sweet smile. and the wrinkles that form around his eyes when he does. or maybe its the fact that he wears the same faded blue cap every time he comes in. even today as we talked about me going back to adelaide, and that i'll be seeing my family soon, and as he walked out he said "behave yourself alright?" awh i dunno what or how. but this old man has really won my heart. i almost teared waving bye bye to him today just at the thought that i won't see him next week. LOL
lets just say he felt like a daddy :) what can i buy for him and his wife from the melbourne market next week :) hmmmm i hope i can get them something.
:)
haaaaaa
i love being in love :)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
today i joined a few other women at a gathering and there was me, aged 22, another lady with a teenage daughter, and a grandmother, a lady with two sons around my age who just recently remarried, and a lady who had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy.
and just to hear everyone share, i was so amazed at the things they had to say, about just being a woman, being a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, i was so blown away. i learnt so much tonight. so much wisdom they had. sometimes we think we're smart just because we did uni. think twice people before we criticize older people, whether or not they did uni or not. they usually know a lot more than u learnt at uni. so hush, listen, and learn.
also tonight, for the first time i saw and felt the joy of being a mother just by looking at someone. watching the lady tear spontaneously, just because it was her first time away from her new little baby, and hear her say "oh stop talking about him! i just miss him" and wipe her tears thru her giggles. i was lost for words. would i feel that way too someday? does it get that overwhelming? do you feel that attached to that "person" u conceived? but why would u tear? u know you'll be home with your baby in 2 hours. i still can't comprehend. would a daddy feel such overwhelming joy as a mummy would? why would he? but he didn't go thru the same things a mum would through a pregnancy? hm. i don't understand, but i can't help feel the warmth in my heart just thinking of how it might feel. so many questions. life will answer it when the time comes :)
wow such an honour to be a lady to have the ability to bear a child so many times we take that for granted that we can bear miracles :) i'm absolutely mesmerized
and men, you're darlings in your own ways too :)
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Ridzuan's baby is due on the 21st of April which is a month away and apparently its a boy he must be extremely pleased coz he always wanted his first child to be a boy i'm excited!!! ok perhaps a pinch jealous but hugely and largely excited :D :D
wonder if he'd feel the same way when its my turn to have a baby
what made my weekend:
awesome choir performance the choir isn't the best choir on earth, but its not all about being the best, its more than that
the desert fringe with stand up comedians and amazing bands
privacy and comfort in Helen's house love the liberty of being on my own leaving toilet doors open running around in my knickers singing and dancing like a mad woman leaving a pile of dishes in the sink till tmrw morn haaaaa.... wonder how its gonna be like living with a hubby and 12 kids
weight loss current weight: fluctuates btw 67-68 :D yay :D tummy is hideous though.. need to exercise!!!
hearing the voices of loved ones: daddy mummy sher mayne
a surprise note from one of the taxi drivers under my door, wishing me all the best with my search for a car :D how sweet! :D
a nice hot soak in the bath tub in rose and jasmine haaaaaa i'm such a woman was a good relaxing treat considering the crazy week i had and the sickening pile of stressful work every single day i hope things start getting more settled begining april i thought march would be sensible, but it obviously wasn't yet
test drove a manual car and found out that i can still maneuver a manual without any dramas go go amigos!
everybody loved my cracked up mms today sent my face all around the globe, just for the fun of it :D and the responses i received.. haha was double the fun compared to the fun of sending it!
one more week and i'm gonna have to kiss my nokia E71 goodbye. just when i'm starting to absolutely love it. huhuhu. but hm i gues my (*^^!#!^%$ sister would appreciate it more than i would trust me to use a 3210 nokia in 2020 and not hear me grumble haha
6 days to adelaide 7 days to daddy, kami and belle 9 days to my graduation 13 days to Wicked in Melbourne
and then i think i'm gonna have a really hard time getting used to being alone here in port augusta again after a week with family and friends in adelaide
it always gets harder the more times we say goodbye, doesn't it coz you know what its gonna feel like without them loved ones close to you.
i'm gonna be working under Bernard's supervision tmrw Bearnard is the previous owner of the pharmacy and i'm so nervous i'm still the most useless health professional on earth but i'm getting there. step by step.
i feel helpless in pharmacy. but do i regret spending 5 years doing the course? not even a tiny bit. coz knowledge is never a waste. and i know God's plans are always good. but that burden on my heart is still there. beyond just pharmacy. and i will not stop until i fulfill my calling here on earth. but what do i do next? where do i go? i... am not sure. and that's when we, both u and i need to get on our knees and seek unrelentingly. and then the answers will be crystal clear. you'll never be ready for your task unless you walk through the preparation stage. step by step.
***
i am sooooooooooo exhausted so so so so so exhausted maybe i should stop doing the extra hours its not like i'm getting paid maybe jimmy is right, its really not worth giving the 150% although u feel so responsible towards the workload hm i'll try not to overwork starting tmrw if i end at 5.30, i'll leave by 5.30 i have a life to live too. which i tend to forget sometimes.
and so i missed the carols last year at church, altho i had been DYING to be at it all year and i heard how amazing pastor daniel sang with Marina Prior.. and i stumbled upon in on you tube!! YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT!! this guy is NO SUPERSTAR, he's the most humble, genuine and sincere singer i've ever known.. plus, he's so so so so so funny! and absolutely grounded in the word of God. and his voice.. oh gosh.. i see the gates of heaven opening everytime he sings. i was screaming to myself watching this vid lol. it was that beautiful.
10 cheers to the camera, sound and lighting crew as well! the whole creative team of PCC is just phenomenal i dare say 95% of them are volunteers and all are amateurs but with one heart and one spirit the results they produce are spectacular **** and so i missed the influencers conference as well at paradise this year (again)
and i knew wee li was performing some drum ensemble that the awesome and amazing pastor Daniel came up with
and then i saw it on youtube! haha!
i love it :D how creative!
and i think wee li's the one on the top corner. the dude looks chinese. lol.
and then i came across the influencers vid!
and there's like 2 secs of li whacking the drum. did u spot the chinese dude? LOL haha but urgh! i sooooooo wanna go for influencers next year!! why? coz i love the word of God coz its REAL!
and boy i miss that church that church, with the thousands and thousands of people praying and believing, the miracles, physical and emotional healings, live transformations that you see within the church and out in our city of Adelaide is just mind blowing Hallelujah!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
If to distant lands I scatter If I sail to farthest seas Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures Would you leave to look for me? Forfeit glory to come after 'Til I only dwell in Thee?
~ brooke fraser
****
would you...?
Monday, March 16, 2009
come back, will you i'll be waiting i'm not gonna point out your mistakes. not gonno prove you wrong, i'm gonna hold you, kiss you, and tell you how much i've longed for this day. the day you find your way back home from your search and adventure.
come home, when you're ready..
Saturday, March 14, 2009
O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave,you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!
O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
how amazing is that?
whether you're a believer or not,
there is a God who knows your every detail of your existance!
how amazing!
*****
Sweet Jesus, what is this wall of pain i have built that hinders me from feeling your presence like i used to. what have i done? where have i strayed? I wanna wake up in the morn and the first thing i see is Your sweet face. and the first thing i feel is your everlasting love. being me to that place of revelation once more. some chains need to be broken.
***
why all the dramas? homesick? work politics? non-ideal living environment? other responsibilities?
i believe it all bores down to one word:
hurt
ouch
this weekend i really wanna spend time to myself and just to get some rest.
staying in bed for the day sounds... hm..:)
come on wound, heal up now you can't keep holding me back like this
***
and so josh leaves adelaide in 2 weeks i still recall us all in one room yu sheng, me, josh, lucas, ted then yu sheng left then it was me, josh, lucas and ted then lucas left then i left and now josh leaves..
:(
everyone leaves i wish i had a stable human who would alwz be there with me through every season, every change, every phase, every victory, every fall, news flash shaleen, that will never happen
coz we're only human
***
i love pastor mark's message on fb this week
Proverbs 25v9,10"When arguing with your neighbour dont betray another persons secret. Others may accuse you of gossip and you will never regain your good reputation"
In the heat of an arguement its so easy to blurt out something you will later regret. You want to be proved right and it's tempting to let out that little piece of information that you know is a secret but it makes you right. Don't do it, it will damage relationships and your reputation. A wise person has a reputation for being able to keep confidences. Its a good reputation to have because people will come to you at their times of vunerability if they know they can trust you, and you get chance to point them to Christ. Have a blessed week Love Ps mark and Nina
i have found myself in that situation so so so so so so so so many times i'm glad i have the word of God to teach me, and to help me guard my heart and my tongue. how great is the word of God? soooo good :D
****
also look what my daddy's colleagues sent around thru email:
Dear Uncle,
Wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
This guy never sleeps. Works incessantly and tirelessly. Good at heart. Loves to help people. At his age, he should be enjoying life outside work but no, he tells me “He loves working at Nu Skin and still has the passion to take things to another level”. He reminds me of Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester United team manager), a winner many times over and someone who just don’t know when to stop. My hats off to you Jaya! Have a wonderful birthday!
Hardworking, energetic, helpful and great in coming up with an idea to solve a problem. ~ Warehouse team
awwwwwhhhhhhhh
i knew i wasn't exaggerating when i said my daddy is a superman :D
i soooo wanna go home and give him huge kiss on his pokey unshaven cheeks!
and hm maybe i do look a little bit like daddy :D yay!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
daddy called, and goes " eh why you go and tell all your friends ah! crazy ah you!" and then he laughs awwwhhh :D i know when my daddy's laugh is genuine and just to hear him mention your names :D i couldn't stop smiling myself! some of you didn't leave your names tho..lol and mummy goes " yalah! all like uncle 0nly! nobody rmbr aunty! :P"
wait la mummyyyy..... you turn in october.. the WHOLE mgs from Kami's batch to my batch gonna msg u nyeheheh.
you know some ppl may criticize what i did and say that i'm cheating daddy into thinking that people appreciate him but i believe that you wouldn't have bothered to text unless u did personally appreciate him all i did was make u aware of the significant date and the choice was really up to you:) thank you so so so so much for the little bit of effort to make a lovable 62 year old man smile :D i can't thank you enough!
i love my daddy!! so so so so so so much! its alwz worth the effort showing your parents your love and appreciation after all God did command us to honour our father and mother :D i honour them with joy!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
amazing how my friends watch out for me one wrong move i make and they're there staring at me like a hawk it just takes one to find out and all a sudden a whole network of people are at my back, making sure i don't stumble
i hate it that i can't stop doing things which pleasures me now but at the end of the day kills me on the inside i hate it that they nag me, scream at me, talk sense into me
but i know they are right
at least some people love me enough to hurt my feelings for my own good
sigh why do i alwz get myself into trouble!!!!
Holy Spirit, help me!
i pray for self control! GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU DEVIL! YOU AND ALL YOUR LIES!!! GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like running away to a far far away place just to be on my own where noone knows me and start over
just leave everyone and everything behind just shut the door and start anew and start fresh
fresh
i want to cry so badly but while hosting someone at your place, you can't be in a corner shedding tears of hurt suck it in, smile, make sure she has everything she needs and that she's comfortable. its not all about you, shaleen. people around you need your love and support.
fresh
i want to start fresh once more
Monday, March 9, 2009
happy belated International Women's day :) i love the 8th of March :) To all the amazing women in the world, we celebrate and appreciate your beauty and sacrifices. and to the men, as much as we love, adore and appreciate your strength and masculinity, we wish for similar adoration and respect for those who already do, we thank you :)
siew ghee got an internship in toronto!!!! FINALLYYY!! after sooooo many months of going thru his stupid resumes and making it better and better when it was already phenomenal to begin with..
i'm soooooooooooooooooooooo exciteddddd!! FINALLLLLYYYY!!!! i know how hard it is to get an internship especially when it comes to professional world yeah! *jumps around in joy*
now just for the countdown to my trip to toronto...
:D :D
this has been the best weekend ever i felt like i had wings worshiping God if i could have reached higher i would every burden just melted away i fell in love again and what a feeling and i was reminded of the promise God gave me in the beginning of the year: there is nothing Jesus and i will not be able to handle in 2009 amen! if only you'd give yourself a chance to taste and see how good it is to open up to your very own creator
the people i met again after quite some time the excitement the memories we laughed about together it almost felt like family all the "OMG ITS SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK" and "do we really have to say goodbye again" hugs.. this weekend, i fell in love again with the whole reason i'm alive i feel so at peace within the turmoil i'm living in
Adelaide has somehow become home one last hour here till i'm back in port augusta :( :( :(
i'll miss you again..
:'(
Sunday, March 8, 2009
i hate what people do to themselves with alcohol
i hate what people do to themselves with sex
i hate what people do to themselves with drugs
sorry if i have offended anyone
i refuse to stay silent tonight
wake up people, wake up.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
summary of my day:
work - disaster bike - lights and blinkers got stolen choir - not great, but was alright women's day - made heaps of new friends emotionally - shattered
i had 3 ladies come up to me and tell me that my voice stood out today i'm like wow that is absolutely encouraging :) back to singing, shaleeni it's been a while we've all gotta start somewhere
let me encourage you to be an encourager! say words that bring life instead of putting ppl down, you'll be amazed how much diff u can make in someone's life just by being supportive :)
plans to go home to malaysia : CANCELLED
when i'll head home next : ......
had an encounter with a baby wallaby today will post pics tmrw
love, shaleen
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
summary of my day
work - excellent, made ZERO dispensing mistakes doctors - nasty experience, but good outcome choir - all set for tmrw's performance bike - almost got me killed now - striking headache, resort to paracetamol and promethazine, in hopes to get some sleep tonight
i rmbr reading one of the stories in my giant book of stories mum bought for me when i was a little girl
and it was about this little boy who helped save a whale that got washed to the shore
and i rmbr how he used his clothes to soak up water and made trips to and fro to get water from the sea back to the shore to keep the whale wet
48 pilot whales and 5 dolphins have been saved so far
but 130 have died so far
if only there was a way i could contribute..
:(
***
another thought,
i miss being a child,
where our minds are so pure and clean and unshaped or uninfluenced by the terrible things of this world.
take some time to evaluate yourself,
what has the world shaped you into?
"Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." Mark 10:15
Monday, March 2, 2009
and when the dancing stops i fall back onto my knees face buried in my humble hands i forgot how it felt to be weep
and as i stand vulnerable out of my mouth comes prayer and i felt faith stir in my spirit i forgot the supernatural power of a desperate cry to the Almighty
oh Jesus, You're my only source of strength. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Break me Lord. Break me.
"The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:15-18
waka nini yana? dhoma nyini yalka? brrp? Yandagai, waka nini yana? danyie walga, nga dtinaka, nganga-buraya deya-win? waka nini yana, dhoma nyini yalka? brrp! yandgai, waka nini yana?
and i find myself dancing and swaying my arms and hips, singing, twirling and skimming all across the floor of my huge huge room with a huge smile on my face, without missing the chance to admire the beatiful curves and sways my body could make thru my reflection in the mirror.
i forgot how much i loved to dance and sing.
****
i'm itching to tell megan her 24th bday present
coz its the CRAZIEST present i've EVER bought for someone
like the MOST INSANE AND OUT OF THIS WORLD present
and i'm glad Shelley Chee wanted to be part of it as well
a big happy 374 carrington street family!
gah, few more days and then i can publically display it here on the web.
i can't waittt!!!
****
i've finally bought myself my life application Bible
and i'm ABSOLUTELY loving it :)
reading the word of God brings life.
seriously.
like SERIOUSLY.
:D :D
and Lilian's coming tmrw!
yayayayyayayayaayyayayyyyy!!!
:D :D :D
sher mayne was right
talk to lucas
:)
i super miss him :(
just recalling how he laughs puts a smile on my face.
for those who don't know who Lucas is,
let me just describe him in a few words:
he's the sweetest, strongest, funniest, most helpful, most well mannered, and most down to earth guy i've ever known.
thank God for the amazing friends i have.
gah! i super super super miss him :( :( :(
****
week 8 at work tmrw
i'm gonna try harder
and i'd do so so so much better
if only i could get some good, undisturbed sleep...
"I am going to send MORE people into your life, people you will not agree with your stand, people who you will struggle to live with, people who turn their backs againts you and me, people who are doing things to themselves that's not of my will,
and you, my child, are going to love and care for each and everyone of them
it will not be easy, but i will use you, and the gifts i have given you, to bring change into the lives of these people. and they will go on to do the same for others.
follow me, my child, i will teach u each step of the way "
***
sher mayne's suggestions on how to stop missing someone special :
1. go talk to more guys!! 2. go talk to lucasssss!!
shaleen : ....
Saturday, February 28, 2009
i'm still bleeding
what's going on??
one more day
it might just be harmless haemorrhoids.
IT IS NOT IBS OR CHRONS OR BOWEL CANCER FOR GOODNESS SAKES SHALEENI.
i'm still pooing blood :(
what's going onnnn!!!!!
i believe its getting less tho...
*****
just got back from whyalla
was at a music workshop with a couple ladies
and i realise i CANNOT sing
i'm very inspired to play the piano more though
which is awesome
:)
*****
tmrw's the start of a brand new month
also marks my 8th week here in my new place
which also means its time to get serious about budgeting and putting money aside for saving
i've pretty much finished furnishing my house etc
so there shouldn't be too much spending anymore
i can buy more gifts for ppl :) :) :)
just posted one down to jinn
lets hope it doesn't get lost in the mail
******
I'm thinking of going back in late june or july
but i'm to scared to ask my boss to let me go for 2 weeks
technically i can do it if i want to..
i'm just.. scared
*bites nails*
i'll work extra hard this week and then i'll ask
*******
here's my to do list for this evening:
1. dishes 2. clean kitchen & bin 3. wash, hang, fold and iron clothes 4. clean room 5. vacumn house 6. file away paperwork 7. practice piano 8. bake cake 9. look for accommodation for graduation
then hopefully i'll still have some time to do a bit of personal reading and studying
*****
why do i believe in this God i don't see so so so so so so much?
because i have felt him, seen him, heard him,
and no words can describe how it feels to KNOW and feel his amazing love.
if you think food or any form of entertainment makes u feel great,
you'll be BLOWN AWAY with how much GREATER living with God is.
Take my word for it.
:) :) :)
****
sher mayne's got a line!
and she's on THREEEEEEE!!!!
:)
free calls, free mms!
awesssssoooooommmmmmmmmmmeeeee :D :D
Thursday, February 26, 2009
winds of change
a lot has changed.
things certainly will never be the same.
2009 is a new year.
new job, new location, new people.
****
lillian goes back to adelaide after work today.
:(
how fun to have someone who likes being around you with you.
she'll be back next tues :)
i'll look forward to that.
today's goal at work : less mistakes
****
couple of interesting things that happened yest:
1. a little girl came into the pharmacy. she's taking part in the world's greatest shave for the leukemia foundation. and she's shaving her head 0n the day her grandmother died of leukemia. i happily contributed to her effort :) i was so inspired :)
2. A mental health patient calls the pharmacy and requests to speak to me. he asks me out for coffee on friday and to a birthday party on Saturday with him. my colleagues were both horrified and amused. i declined them both, politely. my colleagues think i should tell him i have a 6 foot bf who's buff and who's a big jealous pot. we'll see how that goes. i'm quite scared to answer phone calls now. not because he has a mental health condition, but just because i don't want to lead him on to think that i'm interested to break certain boundaries.
3. i could not get a car loan. i have to wait another 5 weeks before i can get it approved.
4. boss sends me to the newsagency to buy the local newspaper. i stepped in, and i hear tom baxter's single "better" on the speakers. how shocking! not many australians know tom baxter since he's UK based. and i felt..... i dunno. i could not describe how i felt. but i felt.. better. :)
5. dad asked me to come home when i can. and that's exactly what i'm gonna do.
gotta ask for leave today. boss isn't gonna be thrilled. but i do have 30 days of annual leave anyway..
6. i'm pooing blood. not the little bit you generally get when ur constipated to the max. but like blood blood. like significant red blood blood. been 2 days. its fresh red so i'm absolutely sure its not bleeding anywhere in the tummy. probably somewhere lower down the intestine. keeping an eye on the progress to see if it gets better or worse. don't worry, i WILL get it checked out if it goes on for the next couple of days.
start at 9.30 today. that extra half an hour to myself feels so good. :)
love you all, shaleen
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
if you wanna be in the game then be in it.
don't just be a spectator,
wanting to follow the progress, know the scores, criticize the penalties,
but not get dirty in the field.
you know i'm talking to you.
"just call out your name and you'll be there?"
i must have been looking in the wrong direction.
coz i couldn't find you anywhere.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
3 hours with Lilian in the house
and it feels so so so so so so much better :)
other than the fact that i don't have my own privacy while she's around..
shaleen: LOL. eeeeuuu. You made my hair stand. *shudders*
siew ghee: hahaha. fine. i guess you don't wanna be affectionate with me. that's ok.
LOL
*** scenario 2:
siew ghee: eh shaleeni, stop obsessing. i'm sure somewhere in the bible it says don't call a person more than 10 times in 3 hours. somewhheeeerrree.
LOL
*** scenario 3:
siew ghee: i'll come online more often so you can talk to me.haha i know i'm very perasan. but its ok for a friend.
shaleen: LOL i at work 8.30 to 6. i come back its ur bedtime d.
siew ghee: haha somehow la. if it doesn't work, can't say i didn't try. hahahh.
LOL
*** scenario 4:
siew ghee: where did u go? you appearing offline? why?
shaleen: coz i'm doing chores and stuff. pura pura not there la.
siew ghee: lol. what is it that i have. that you want to talk to me. but not anyone else. hahhaa.
shaleen: *rolls eyes*
LOL
*** scenario 5:
shaleen: don't u dare lie! i will not talk to u ever!
siew ghee: haha you couldn't last a day not talking to me.
siew ghee: ok not so true.but you couldn't not talk to me ever.
shaleen: try me.
siew ghee: don't even suggest it.
LOL
*** scenario 6:
shaleen: i super need to study d
siew ghee: ok. go go gadget study!
shaleen: ....
LOL
*** scenario 7:
siew ghee: thanks for taking the time to read and reread my resume and cover letters :)
shaleen: pleasure :) now i shall get to studying. i'm one hour late ghee!! YOOOUUU!! *waves fist*
siew ghee: you love me la.. don't even try to deny it. haha.
shaleen: babi la you.
LOL
sigh some friends.... are worth the agony.
LOL
Monday, February 23, 2009
drastic changes in weather
+
overworking everyday
+
emotional insanity
+
convenience food instead of healthy food
+
constant lack of sleep
+
dehydration
=
the breakdown of Shaleen's physical body although the mind is still going strong
=
Shaleeni is burning up with a nasty fever, dizzy as ever, sickly nauseous and has a headache that's threatening to smash her brains to pieces.
took me 30 minutes to get home on my bike today instead of the usual 15 minutes.
tonight i should rest.
can't afford to be sick tmrw and not go to work.
there's too much work to complete.
and poor Helen will die without my help.
also, i can't be all sickly when Lilian arrives tmrw.
love,
Shaleen
Sunday, February 22, 2009
dear Belle,
i held the beautiful silver keychain on my bible in my hand.
the one you gave me on my 21st birthday.
and i started to cry.
now don't u read this and start crying also.
i'll smack you.
i miss you.
Jeremiah 31: 3 “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
4 I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel. You will again be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines.
dear all, as you would have noticed, (or as i hope you would have noticed..) i'm made some simple yet significant updates to my blog. considering the fact that i'm busy with work and stuff these days, i've decided to leave you lists, lists which would keep you updated with my whereabouts regardless whether i have the time to blog or not how does that sound?
:)
and i've just realised that my blog is absolutely hideous like the colours, the everything! how inartistic. i'm embarrassed. lol
someday, i'll do something about it. when i have the time, that is.. it pays to be a health professional. with one choice, some other joys and passions need to be sacrificed.
until next time, i'll miss u all like always..
love, shaleen
ps: i'm actually studying! i'm so proud of myself! :D
today i played the piano at church
yes i wasn't a star pianist
but one thing for sure,
i played from my heart.
and despite the wrong notes, the fumbles, the lack creativity in improvising the music..
God moved so mightily,
not only were the people touched,
i had my fresh touch from God as well.
and one touch was all it took to open the floodgates of joy in my heart.
and people are believing for me
that God is not gonna let my passion for the piano slip away without using it for his purposes
God is good! Amen?
and now i've got a CRAZY dream on my heart!
let you know when i've prayed enough to know for sure its the right thing to do!
ps: in loving memory of snip who died a month ago :(
Saturday, February 21, 2009
thought to share for the day:
i'm truly amazed about the way God has changed me over the past 5 years.
to change from living a life driven for success, to a life driven for significance.
****
today has been an absolutely productive day! i woke up late, but since i woke up i've been on my feet getting work done, cooked a marvelous meal as well :D
still got some chores to do, then the studying begins.
i'll be able to get a car loan, hopefully :) and hopefully soon as well
getting my head around banking now, trying to make the most of my money.
i'm playing the piano for church tmrw.. nervous, but excited as well. haven't played in ages..
work is getting heaps better. i don't really like it, but i'm giving it 101% nonetheless.
got my bike back, it doesn't feel right tho, but i'm still pleased to have it back :)
life goes on! hard or not, it goes on and on and on!
ps: sher mayne's flight to sydney is tmrw! finally we're in the same country again! :D i'm excited :D
won't be writing as much, getting realllyy busy these days.. i'm doing good, no worries!
1. its smayne's bday and she's coming to aussie SOONNN!!!!!! for those who don't know, sher mayne is my long lost bff. she left to nz when i was 18. and we used to keep in touch with each other thru thick and thin. i still keep all the snail mail then i received from her and boy you would be shocked to see the collection, coz we mailed each other heaps!
not forgetting 1000 word long essays thru emails, and daily msn.
how awesome is that? we hide nothing from each other, we know our deepest and darkest secrets, and now, after sooooo many years, she FINALLY gonna be in the same country with me again! AWESOMEE!!!!! happy bday love! i'm sooooooo excited! you're 21!!! yay! welcome to the aunties' club. nyehehehhee.
2. sun's surprising visit to the pharmacy wing sun was going to work somewhere in whyalla and they stopped by at port augusta on the way. and she thought she'd try her luck at the pharmacy, and my goodness i was so excited when i saw here. and heh, keluar la all the caplang malaysian accent. and my colleageues could barely understand what we were saying. hahah.
3. i got off work early, coz i'm to replace someone's hours on saturday. and what did i do as soon as i got off work? the answer is...
4. shopping! bought heaps of food to stock up, a little electric grill pan, and a cake stand for 5 bucks! i am pleasseeeeddd ;D sigh, i'm such a woman :D *heart*
5. evening after work chat with lau chung han, and his passion for the art of eating tim tams. check this out!
6. kind men with initiative. i was carrying all my groceries, and trust me they were heaps. i put them down to the ground for a bit and slowly carried them bit into the taxi door. and a middle aged man comes right up to me and just picks up everything else and puts it into the car for me. and i'm like woah, that was.. timely. how sweet was that? aren't men the most awesome things alive :D i think they are :D
wow i really appreciate the two hours off work. suddenly i feel like i got tonnes of time to get work done. i'm doing better and better at work, just need to work on my communication skills. i make terrible sentences. will need to improve on that. my england is so lousy laaaaa. sigh.
tonight :
1.study 2. laundry 3. clear up house a little 4. plan daddy and kami's trip 5. learn up my choir songs i'm singing with a choir called the desert voices now, and my first performance is this sunday! 6. rest. Lee, my colleague approached me today and told me that i've been looking really tired. and and everyday all of last week, he'd go "ur really quiet today shaleeni" again and again. and Helen will smile at me and go "she's been working really hard that's why" heh. so yea, rest. i AM tired..
awesome. love u all, shaleen.
ps: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! smayneeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! i CANNNNOOOTTT WAIITT!!
