today i stepped out if my comfort zone.

i never thought i'd do this but i did.

afraid, ashamed and hesitant as i was, i asked for help.

i got counseling.

it was good getting input from someone much wiser and more experienced.

the things she told me, she had me so figured out.

the way she mapped out my emotions, and effortlessly painted out the pains that were in my heart.

but even with her, i found it hard to open up.

she told me frankly that she knew i was not being totally honest emotionally and that with such a burden on my heart, i was still holding back.

i guess she was right.

i was close to tears at many points of the session, but she was right, i held back.

how hard is it to do the things you need to do to help yourself.

i feel so helpless and resistant to this change.

but i cannot keep denying that i'm drowning.

i'm struggling, i really am.

but i know better days are lying ahead.