today someone gave me a word of "advice" saying that:

if i talked less, i might just get a man.

unfortunately,
i don't see why i need to stress over transforming into this sweet girl just so that every creature with a Y-chromosome falls and worships at my feet.

God says i'm beautiful, and i'm PERFECT in His eyes.
nothing else matters, nothing shakes my foundation.
the man who deserves me will appreciate and love me, talkative and all.

ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh gosh i want to cry.
sigh.

my little boy is turning 20

how on earth did u turn 20 boy?
gee ur old

well, u'll alwz be the little boy who ran up to me just to sit on big(literally) che che's lap on the long long journey to Penang in 1999

happy bday, love.

*kisses cheek*

don't u DARE sit on my lap now arrrr,
I'LL KILL YOU!

2.5 weeks to go, u better be at my doorstep the moment i reach home.

my msn went bananas on me

i lost my contacts for a while

and now i'm getting these " so and so wants to be added to ur list " thingys which u get only when someone new adds you, but i'm getting it from all the ppl which i already hv on my list

eh? pelik betul

not that i have many ppl on my list..
but still, this is wierd

today i stepped out if my comfort zone.

i never thought i'd do this but i did.

afraid, ashamed and hesitant as i was, i asked for help.

i got counseling.

it was good getting input from someone much wiser and more experienced.

the things she told me, she had me so figured out.

the way she mapped out my emotions, and effortlessly painted out the pains that were in my heart.

but even with her, i found it hard to open up.

she told me frankly that she knew i was not being totally honest emotionally and that with such a burden on my heart, i was still holding back.

i guess she was right.

i was close to tears at many points of the session, but she was right, i held back.

how hard is it to do the things you need to do to help yourself.

i feel so helpless and resistant to this change.

but i cannot keep denying that i'm drowning.

i'm struggling, i really am.

but i know better days are lying ahead.

red cross has accepted me into both the teams

gotta wait for a suitable time to do trainings for now

i still need to get affiliated with the St John Ambulance in regards to first aid though

i'll work on that a little later

3 weeks

3 weeks belle till we part
you have no idea how much i'm dreading it
you're the friend who has managed to dig out even the deepest and darkest secrets i've hidden from the world
you hold me each time i break down and cry
you go out of your way to help me without expecting anything in return
you never take me for granted
you appreciate all that i do for you
you never do anything to hurt me
you care, u really do

i never thought i'd find a true friend in you back then
but i did
and i'm really sad that one year was all we had together

i've never found a closer friend.
i've always felt secure with you.
thank you for your assuring friendship.
it feels good confidently knowing that you love me as much as i love you.

i miss you already

:'(

i dread doing adelaide without you next year

swimming 101

if you're attempting to do lap swimming,
and you've never done it before,
here are some tips to save urself and the others around you some physical damage.

1. lap swimming is done in a circuit
- you go out on the left, turn at the middle of the wall, and come back in on the right of the lane

2. make way for incoming swimmers if you're resting at the wall

3. stick to your side of the lane,
the lane is wide enough to accommodate two swimmers in opposite directions

4. never never attempt to swap lanes abruptly to make way when u see the swimmer in front of you making a turn
-you'll cause a massive collisions, just stick to your lane

******

i got kicked in the face (hard) and rammed into by 2 other swimmers today
obviously they were relatively new to lap swimming.
pulled off a 2km effort at the pool.
well done to me.
terribly unfit, i cramped at an attempt to do a sprint as well.
ouch, miss cramps.
good excuse to escape a few torturous sprints back in the good old training days.
hahaha.
2.1 km on the next swim.

feeling awfully glum now.
rejection hurts.
good for studying tho i must say.
don't feel like talking to anyone.
just mind my own business, shut every msn window and read lecture after lecture.
lonely, yes, but oh well,
all in all i need to study for this paper.

paramedic/nurse in the making

red cross called to remind me of my interview tmrw

for those who don't know yet,
i'm being interviewed to see if i'm a suitable addition to the two teams below:

1. community carers
this is a team which works with isolated populations
eg: mental health patients, homeless, victims of abuse
it also works with drug and alcohol services in australia ( in which pharmacists are heavily involved in)
if you know me well enough, you'd know i LOVE the so called "junkies"

3. Save-a-mate
this team on the other hand is largely focused on providing first aid and helping in emergency situations.

ow yeah

i can barely wait

somehow i've never felt this passionate about pharmacy.
and i always thought i'd be fine with it as long as i set my mind to it.

mum and dad feel bad that i'm feeling what i'm feeling now, but its really not their fault.
it was the best option we could afford back then.
they wanted what's best for me,
and i am 100% appreciative of their support all this while

its not like i'm gonna give up pharmacy as a whole anyway,
i'm still gonna be a pharmacist,
just that i'll have other qualifications and skills on top of that in future.
and the 4 years of pharmacy knowledge and training is ESSENTIAL in any form of health science practice, so its not a waste at all.
drugs kill too many ppl when they're intended to treat.
so a good knowledge around the benefits vs risks of drugs is never a waste.

spoke to belle about my interview
and she thinks i'll do great :)

she's also the only one so far who actually sees a nurse in me.
too many ppl have "smirked" at the thought of clumsy barbaric unfeminine shaleeni being a gentle nurse.
its either she's seeing things wrongly,
or she's the only one who has really seen beyond the though walls around me and looked straight into my heart.

and she agrees too that she can see me being a great nurse or paramedic.
and that i'll be happier doing those instead of chasing drug related problems as a pharmacist,
or running room to room filling in case notes after case notes,ordering tests and prescribing drugs as a doctor.
no offense to docs and pharmacists, you're amazing,
but they're just fields which i feel do not utilize my personality and characteristics to its maximum potential.

hearing her say that made me a lil more confident that i'm not being 100% insensible with the dreams on my heart.
it just feels good to have someone who actually genuinely sees you living your dream.

plus,this dream did not come from nowhere.
i believe God put it on my heart after constant prayers for direction
and i'm starting to see that the difficult and often painful journey He's brought me through all these years,
and all the hardships i've faced is all part of His plan to nurture me towards becoming who He wants me to be,
and this dream of being someone who is willing to stretch an arm out to care and love those in need, and those who are broken, is being carved out day by day.

i'm very excited.
one step at a time.

song on my lips:
Jesus make me into what You want,
Jesus shape me into what You need,
Jesus take me, take my life i'll follow.

starving no more

yes i've been eating well, not voluntarily though

this sudden phase of anorexia is pretty odd

i just don't feel like eating at all

the last time i felt this was about 3 years ago after going through a really hard time

and i actually lost significant weight from it in a short period of time.

not a very healthy thing, i must say.

for now,i do get hungry heaps, but the thought of food is nauseating

decided to make pasta marinara today after an excellent day at church, thinking that maybe a nice meal would lure my mouth into salivating as usual

but no, not even halfway thru my bowl heaped with generous servings of seafood, i started to feel like chewing my food was such a chore

it even happened with the yummy tiramisu in the fridge

one lil slice, and after 3 spoons i felt sick

studying is going not too bad, could be better but i must say its not too bad

have this little study partnership thingy with Jolene over msn, and its great coz we push each other to study at constant intervals.

I miss home. My family is busy preparing for the massive open house makan tmrw.
I wish i could be there too.

The 5 cats are probably locked in my room.
poor little babies. lol.

back to work :)

accomplishment of the day

completed 7 subtopics

2 more subtopics till i finish the dermatology module

can't rmbr every single thing i've read though,

but i'm sure it'll settle in better when i do my 2nd and 3rd round of reading

my room is burning hot from my trusty ikea table lamp

it almost feels like summer in here!

step out of the room and boy, it is cold out there!

MM and PP tests are in 2 weeks, i can feel the pressure already

surprisingly the Credit i got for my previous test was actually a pretty good result when compared to the class average

hm :)

good effort, Shaleeni

i need to study up all of last year's material to be competent enough to pick out all the medication related issues in both assessments and to make the proper recommendations and provide the best advice for the different situations that are gonna be thrown at us.

not an easy task i must say

if i can keep up today's performance, just maybe i'll be able to do it

i'm so tired

2 more subtopics

should i try to finish it tonight when i gotta leave for central at 7am tmrw?

Heavenly Father, guide me through the next topics. Amen.

start start start now.

no time to waste.

exhausted

i am too tired and "malnourished" to do anything now

just had a sensible meal

time to let the body rest and regenerate the energy it needs

coz its hardcore brain work for the rest of today

wei jin got a job next year

its his first interview he's ever been for

he hasn't even passed his AP400 and needs to take another supp in jan

how great is that?

i know my job will come

it will come as long as i keep trying

and there's nothing wrong with me,

and no, just because i don't have a job yet does not mean the world hates me.

i just gotta persevere

applied for a position all the way in Darwin a couple of days ago

also realised that my resume might be a lil too humble

i really need to learn to sell myself a little more



****************


now about my little dental adventure

yes i was right! i had a chipped piece of tooth left lodged in my gum

one of the pieces of the the 3 teeth that shattered into tiny fragments from the fall

this is the 2nd piece of tooth i've found hidden in my gum so far

wonder if there are any more hidden anywhere else

no wonder i've been bleeding spontaneously from the back of my teeth ever since i had my restorations completed a couple of months ago

my gums are not doing too good

they're swollen and i have to start brushing them with a baby toothbrush 3 times a day from now on and gargle with lots of warm salt water

such a hassle

haihs

well, gotta do it!

teeth blues

i can feel another piece of chipped tooth in my gums behind my crowns

can there really still be broken teeth in my gums till today???

*shivers in fear*

**************

my internet connection has been slowed down for the month

sigh

hate it when this happens

give it a couple of days, its gonna be even slower to the extent that msn won't even sign in

***********

people are saying i'm losing weight

i haven't been exercising since my bday

but yea i haven't been eating well too all week

had a lot of things to do and a lot of things on my mind as well that i actually forgot to eat

3 out of 5 days this week i only ate dinner for an entire day

and that also maggi or cookies

and i can really feel the effects of malnourishment

no energy, brain function half dead, excessive need for sleep, tummy upsets

i gotta start eating well

the exams are around the corner

and its not gonna be the best time to be malnourished

anyone wanna cook me a healthy, balanced meal?

a chat with God

i had a conversation with God.

i never thought it would happen, but i'm glad it did.

i saw a lovely old couple the other day, and they were so in love.

and i saw the family they brought up, the children and their children.

and how amazing and knitted the family was.

such a beautiful legacy they would leave behind on this earth when they go to Heaven.

and then i asked God,

"Heavenly Father, if You have created such beauty in the connection of a man and a woman as one, and the amazing authority You've given us to create and leave influential and life changing legacies behind..

how come some people don't see that? why do they get the feelings like they don't belong to Your original plan and purpose of creating men and women to compliment each other?

I'm so confused. And i'm hurting. Why do they choose to do this?"

And then God said:

" They don't deliberately do it to hurt you. Just like when u sin, you don't deliberately do it to hurt me, do you? The devil is smart, and he wraps temptation in beautiful and attractive packages. Just like how you have found yourself falling into temptation, they too are struggling with temptations of their own. While you are confused and hurting, they are just as or even more confused and hurting too"

then i said:
"but at least i try not to do it. Why don't they try at all?"

God replied:
"Because sometimes emotions are so overwhelming, that it impedes them from hearing the truth. And without knowing the truth, one cannot distinguish sin from the ways of God"

then i continued:
"but why do i have to carry their burdens. Its too hard to live with. i feel miserable and sad.I've attempted giving up these relationships so many times, but my guilt towards them always pulls me back in."

God said:
"Dying on the cross for you was not easy for Jesus to do. Just like you, He had doubts and fears about the instructions i gave Him. But Jesus did not decide to die on the cross because He felt guilty and compelled to do so, He did it out of obedience and because of his love for you and for Me. Shouldn't you do the same for your loved ones? To push through the fear and be with them because u love them, instead of being there because u feel guilty to leave them?"

then God challenged me:
" What if Jesus had given up? Where would you be now? How would you feel? Similarly, where would your friends be if you choose to give up on them? How would they feel?"

Then God said:
" Be a light to the world, show them acceptance, show them the sincerity in your heart, like how i show you. Assure them that you'll walk with them daily. Without you, they will not make it through.
Love them just like how i love you. One day they will understand that i love them too. My child, i will guide you each step of the way, do not be anxious "




i feel so at peace now.
Hallelujah.

wasted week

i barely studied 1/4 of the syllabus i was meant to study this week

i need to stop mixing business with pleasure

study is study

no personal issues should get in the way

and what's with some ppl not approving me going to GC with Andrew?

gee

dear all,

i did not mean to make u feel "rejected" by not sending out the permission invites to see read the crap here earlier

i just got too busy :)

yay!
now only YOU can read this!
don't u feel LOVED?

hahaha

deja vu

remember this?

this ridiculously emo song somehow just makes it easier to say everything i have to say

its just missing 2 words:

i'm sorry

*******

alright time to get back to life
enough damage has been done so far

hush

oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now

there were times when i was crying
from the dark of Daniel's den
and i have asked You once or twice
if You would part the sea again
but tonight i do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
just wanna know You're gonna hold me if i start to cry
oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now

oh, great God, be close enough to feel you now
there have been moments when i could not
face Goliath on my own
and how could i forget We've marched around
our share of Jerichos
but i will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight
just wanna know that everything will be alright
oh great god, be close enough to feel You now

all praise and all honor be
to the God of ancient mysteries
whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history
but tonight my heart is heavy
and i cannot keep from whispering this prayer
"are You there?"

and i know You could leave writing on the wall
thats just for me
or send wisdom while i'm sleeping,
like in soloman's sweet dreams
but i don't need the strength of Samson
or a chariot in the end
just want to know that You still know how many hairs
are on my head
oh great God, be small enough to hear me now


this song describes how i feel right now.
God i know You hurt to watch us hurt ourselves with the wrong choices we make.
so many times we disobey,
yet while You hurt, You wait for us to come back to you,
and Your loving grace picks us up again each time without fail.
i don't wanna make a choice that will bring death.
i choose life.
the journey is getting rougher.
i just pray for wisdom and peace.


Luke 9:23 "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.

I GIVE UP.

let me make that clearer,

I GIVE UP.

i really give up.

enough.

i can't take this anymore.

yes, your eyes are not fooling you.

Shaleeni who never gives up, is giving this up.

if i could wish for just one little thing right now,

i'd wish you would take my hand,

and just dance with me.

and so i got a credit for my first test

i was hoping i'd get a distinction

hm

but i'm glad i passed :)

magnificent

the 8th wonder of the world



*burp*
heh

try it!

"nevertheless"

today i realised that i have been doing life without it over the past few months.

this year has been such a year of constant struggles.
been through so many phases of being atttacked physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
which sometime left me upset, bitter and hurt.
the were times i even felt self pity and self condemnation creep in.

i'm glad i remembered one of the most important keys to how i should live my life.

never thought all the things going on around me could actually strip me away from me original path and direction.

never thought i could actually subconsciously let go of the principles that shape the very person i am due to the circumstances that i find myself in.

so today i start fresh.

nevertheless.

come on shaleen.
nevertheless.

should i grow up?

is it terribly childish of me to feel upset when a really close friend absolutely forgets my birthday?

i was honestly laughing about it since Thursday
i never thought it'd get to me,
coz i didn't expect him to remember to begin with.

but right now,
i really wish he didn't forget.

its not like rocket science,
you even have facebook to remind you, seriously.

i know i shouldn't be feeling this way
i've never expected much from him on normal occasions
but am i not allowed to expect anything at all?
not even on my special day?

yes i know, some people are just like that
i know so many close friends of mine who don't find birthdays significant
and that doesn't make me doubt the genuineness of the friendship we share

i must admit i'm feeling the pinch this time.
he's not just an acquaintance,
he's so much more than that..
i don't understand how he could have just let the day slip by just like that.
is a wish as a gesture of love and appreciation too much to ask for?

i'm upset.
i am.
too many times i've been let down,
especially by those who convince me that i can confidently place an expectation on them.
hence i usually try not to expect anything from anyone,
even from the ones who are really close to me.
those who claim to always be with me through thick and thin.
too many times they were never there.

unfortunately this time with him, i failed not to expect anything.

i guess i just miss him very much, that's all.

I'm so glad i have my Jesus.
He's the only one who NEVER gives me empty promises.
He's the only one who NEVER lets me down when all else fails.


get over it Shaleeni,
you know you will,
coz you love him very much.

YEAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

i have no words to describe how proud i am of my life group

although EVERYTHING went wrong

the mikes din work
the lights couldn't blackout at the right times
the video that the video team and i stressed over didn't play at all
abel was freaking out behind the PA system
lionel got stuck when belle and i were pushing him to his spot

EVERYTHING WENT WRONG

but we pulled through.

we even got 3rd place.

and everyone was SO SO SO happy.

i was bursting with joy and energy myself.

this is a HUGE boost for the LG.

we're been through a lot this year.

i've personally struggled with all the changes,

the split of the UV LG,
good friends leaving,
new people in the new life group which i refused to try to connect with,
just because i missed my old friends,
changes in the venues,
the combining of oxygen with the other youth groups,
Ernestine leaving,

i must admit, i struggled.

but today, just to see everyone so happy together,
it was really worth clinging on and pushing myself to accept the changes that happened.


IF YOU'RE READING THIS, my dear life group,
I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU,
and i LOVE you.

YEAHHH!!!!

what a good day at the beach with shi wei
was feeling terrible yesterday
and i was glad we went down to get some fresh air
really got lots of things off my mind
had some time to just sit back and relax and forget about all the worries the world is bugging me with
if there's one thing i love, its spending one-on-one time with someone i'm fond of
even if it doesn't involve much talking or whatever
just sit there with me,
and i'll be well entertained :)

feel like doing it again next week :)

even managed to get Snip some rocks and shells to play with

time to get ready for tonight's show

i hope it all goes good
a lil nervous over dancing
coz i'm dancing with belle
who's been doing ballet for 20 years
i'm gonna look like a hippopotamus next to her


*keeps fingers crossed*

ps: snip is my pet hermit crab

a day after ur birthday,
its back to the real world.

books, perfomances, job hunts, chores.

but it did feel splendid having everyone spoil me and treat me like a queen for the day

one word to describe my 22nd birthday:

exceptional.


thank you all.
everything was beautiful and phenomenal.

*muah*

goodbye kangaroo island.
oh Gosh.
Failure has never felt so real until i started studying pharmacy.

daddy told me not to be sad and enjoy the rest of my day.
well, i'm trying to.
:(

and i'll keep looking for a spot.
a better one's out there.

good morning, young lady

brilliant start to the day thanks to the housemates,
both past and present

night before: visit of the previous housemates *heart*

thanks for the lovely blue top.
yessss....i'll make sure equip it with a proper ***

cake courtesy of the old housemates
megan just decided to steal a lil bit from me :P

rise and shine to new housemate love:

purple, green and orange.
one of my favourite combinations :)

shelley chee's so called big breakfast
more like HUMONGOUS breakfast

i'm gonna end this week with a bloated tummy
and i'm gonna need to do ballet with it on saturday

*dies*

time to shower and be all pretty

*blows kisses*

shaleeni.wants.to.go.home.

i miss my family.

cry of the 3rd years

ap 301 test results came out today
my poor juniors are really feeling the pinch of 3rd year,
where u study, and still fail as badly as someone who went into the exam without even touching a book.

been there,
done that,
failed,
cried,
felt stupid,
felt like a failure,
felt like quitting.

done all that kidos.
HONEST.

it IS hard.
VERY.
but please please don't beat yourselves up.
YOU'RE NOT STUPID.
its just really really hard.

keep going,
its not over until the final exams are done
so you're not gonna fail this subject if you try harder for the final paper.
CAN!
TRUST ME!
If i could do you,
so can YOU.

18SG. not for the faint hearted.

and so i was meant to wake up at 7 as usual to go to school at 9

and i just woke up

and the time now is11.51 am

why?

i had unpleasant dreams/nightmares again last night

this time i rmbr one of it SO clearly, i betta write it down before i forget

i was with mum, in our house which did not look like our house.
and we were gonna leave home to go to the pasar malam which is just down the street
(my house is like 50m from the tuesday pasar malam in teluk pulai)

we made sure everything was locked up,
we checked the doors a few times,
we even stuffed wood pieces into the little holes under the door to hold it,
like what happens when the floor cloth gets trapped under the door,
the door gets "stuck".
we were pretty worried to leave the house somehow,
i could actually feel the anxiety through the dream.

we even went over to my neighbour's house
(the neighbour who moved out 5 years ago)
and talked to the aunty to help us look after the house while we were out

seriously, we were just going to buy veggies at the pasar malam
getting ur neighbour to help look after the house is something we only do when we go down to penang to visit the rest of the family

and then we leave to buy our veggies
and when we get home,
we find the door slightly ajar.
and mum's like "huh? really got ppl come in ar?"
we looked down the varendah (dun ask me how we got there) and saw this guy in the living room,
and like ninja turtles, the both of us tried to be heroes and jumped over the varendah,
down into the living room where the dodgey guy was

and this somehow sounds funny now
but we ended up fighting with the guy
and mummy was so "useless"
she kept toppling over and getting hit herslef with every attempt of attacking the guy
which was odd, coz if it really did happen,
i think mum would be the hero and i'd be hiding behind her

and the guy was laughing
like some ham sap sex maniac
and i was very very scared
and then the attempts to attack and protect ourselves went on for a bit
mostly done by me coz mummy was so lembik in the dream
and then he toppled over somehow
and i recalled what we used to do in tae kwan do
and we'd aim for the eyes coz that's the easiest way to bring someone down

so i crawled over him (EEEUUU)
and grabbed a SCISSORS
which somehow appeared next to me lying on the floor
and start STABBING HIM IN THE RIGHT EYE
like STAB STAB STAB
and his stupid eye was like rubber
is just didn't want to burst
stab stab stab stab again
it just got gooey and oozy, all mushed up and redish black in the inside,
coz i had smashed up his pupil,
but the outer surface was still in one piece
and so i gave up and tried the other eye
stab stab stab!
same thing!
and he was LAUGHING his disturbing laugh ALL THE WAY!!!!

his eyes looked disgusting and that was the last thing i saw before i woke up and smacked my head right into the ceiling above me
(my bed is like 2 feet from the ceiling)
i didn't even dare to move the moment i hid my head back under the sheets
i just felt like if i moved i'd see the guy behind me
plus, my bed is the kind where you can look down to the stuff below you
and that reminded me of the part where mum and i looked down the varendah to find him there

that was nasty
i had to pray and talk myself to sleep and to calm down my tachycardic heart
where's the bf to cuddle up with in times like this u tell me
lol
well, that was really scary.

next thing u know,
i sleep through my alarm and wake up almost 5 hours late.
sighs.

how's that for a dream.
i don't know why i'm getting such insecure dreams
do i subconsciously feel that threatened and unprotected?
it doesn't make any sense.

you know how most ppl hate it when people say that they're spoilt?


well i proudly declare that
I AM SPOILT.

MY PARENTS GIVE ME
EVERYTHING

EVERYTHING THEY OWN AND HAVE
EVERYTHING goes to straight to me.

i constantly wonder what did i do to deserve so much.

to say that i'm grateful is an understatement.

i love my parents beyond words can say.

and i can't wait to just give it all back to them.

and i'll truly honour them all the days of my life.

headaches. headaches. headaches.

meet my new best friend and faithful companion,
mr paracetamol.

who needs mr andrew chan when i can have up to 4 encounters with my new buddy daily.

:P

but will u still sing me songs, mr chan?

coz unfortunately, mr paracetamol can't exactly sing..


*******


i got a comment today saying that i've changed heaps over the last year
lets see


march 2007

october 2008

WHERE GOT LAAAAAAAAA

but oh look at the gorgeous flow of the fringe in last year's pic thanks to lex from hair room
NOONE can cut my fringe except lex
look the the cacat unflattering fringe now
sigh
i want a nice hair cut
i've never had a nice hair cut ever since lex "disappeared"

how long can u hold back tears?

never as long as u plan to.

but i know i'm not the only one crying.

We all are.

i miss u Nest.

oops

i think i've hurt someone
even after trying not to
and trying to conceal my thoughts
i can't act innocent anymore
and the silence is killing me
i'm sorry

how are girls meant to work like normal human beings
when the pain is so bad that u can barely stand upright.

here's the answer shaleeni jayamani
swallow ur NSAIDs and stop whining like a woos.

you've got lots to do,
and feeling sorry for urself in bed under the sheets all day is not getting you anywhere.

easier said than done,
but well,
just gotta do it.

right my fellow ladies?

yet another day of extreme emotions

Trott Park Pharmacy
Internship Opportunity 2009
Re-advertised

Please apply via email only by the 31st October 2008.
Students who have been interviewed need not reapply.

**********

ok so what's this supposed to mean?

i'll just take it as i din get the job la after the many hours of wiping her shelves.

Heavenly father, i feel so confused.

I've sacrificed so much time, energy and money in this.

I don't understand why all this is happening.

But i know You know better,

so i'm trusting You and just gonna keep pushing on.

its a harsh world out there.

Just gotta keep trying.

The last thing i'm gonna do is allow myself to be discouraged.

***********
as of today,
my ielts paper is booked in on the 5th and 6th of december.

another whole load of "bucks" gone down that track

**********



this song rips my heart to pieces

reminds me that its about time i made my stand,
draw my line,
and say my goodbye too

Hallelujah

All praises and Glory to God.

i cleared yet another stage of this nasty degree.

I really hope not many people failed this time.

when the heart speaks..

today is such a day of extremes

extreme hyperness at school

extreme lethargy after school

extreme decision making, leading to an impulsive haircut

extreme energy at rehearsal for the launch of friday night church tmrw

and now its extreme loneliness

everything around me feels so quiet and still

i miss belle.
5 weeks to the end of my exams also means 5 weeks till we say goodbye.

Ernest is leaving too for Brisbane is 3 days.
I sure am not looking forward to stepping into the airport.

and Lucas is gonna leave to Sydney as well in January.
There goes my Adelaide Handyman who is always on my back,
tending to my every need.

How true is it that we constantly find ourselves running back to the Creator when we realise things really are not in our hands.

Things change.
Rapidly,
Constantly.

I don't know what the future holds,
my job,
my future career,
my personal dreams,
my relationships.

Everything so vague and unclear.

But the more misty the path gets,
the more i will trust in God.
Coz He's holding my hand,
guiding me every step of the way.
Even in times where emotions tell me that i'm lonely,
conviction and revelation reminds me that i'm never alone.
How good is that to live with hope?
Amen?

omg! its for real!

i CANNOT believe the decision i made today.
Shaleeni,
you are
NUTS
INSANE
BANANAs
OUT OF YOUR MIND
OUTRAGEOUS
RIDICULOUS
INSENSIBLE
and
JUST PLAIN CRAZY!!

oh boy oh boy oh boy
i'm so nervous

Lucas Lee,
i'm depending on you!
WE CANNOT AFFORD TO MESS UP!
or i'm so dead.
like SOOOOO dead.

All the way down to trott park again tmrw
after last weeks boo boo,
i feel a lil embarassed to step into the pharmacy.

These whole 2 years in Adelaide God has really challenged me to practice more humility.
struggle with it at times,
but i've learnt so much,
the journey has been amazing.

tmrw is gonna be such a crazy overworked day
God sustain me,
i know its not gonna be easy

i'm so tired now.
2 more hours girl.
just 2 more hours for the day.
pressing on!

***********

i'm so tempted to ask my dad so send me like extra allowance...

because:

1 Australian dollar = 2.43915191 Malaysian ringgits

argh!
I WANT TO CRY!

Applied Pharmacotherapeutics 401 Final Exam
18th Nov 2008

why can't it be any earlier??!!!

SOBBBBB

oh well, i guess its not that bad la.
i should be grateful.

so i felt a little sicky last night
sorta a mild version of malaise perhaps?
lol so drama.

and the next thing you know,
i'm sleeping like a dead log from 12 am to 12 pm.
there goes half my day.
and i have mountains to do.

goodbye world.
i'm gonna be very antisocial for a bit.

anyway here's the schedule for the week.
nothing extra, just heaps of studying.

test tmrw.
3 hours at trott park on wednesday.
LG on wednesday where abel and i will be working on our performance on the 18th.
choir on thursday.
Launch of Friday night church on Friday.
not sure about the weekend, probably be spent practising for the 18th.

i think i have a test next week as well. i better go look it up.

I NEED TO START STUDYING FOR MY FINALS.

i love daylight savings because its still bright at 6.30 pm
and its not too dark and dangerous to go out for my daily jog even if i get home late

i don't like daylight savings coz i'm 2.5 hours away from home
by the time daddy gets home from work..
i'm already tucking myself into bed

:(


4 weeks to finals!
NOT FUNNYY

but oh boy! i can't wait for this 4 weeks to be over!
there's a HUGE light at the end of this tunnel!!

:P

happy birthday mummy dear

you're the coolest,
hottest,
fittest,
smartest,
funniest,
lamest,
and the most fabulous mum ever.


:D

today i messed up

i won't be surprised if they don't hire me

i'm such a disaster!!!

one last tryout for u to prove yourself, shaleeni jayamani

hahaha.

oh well, i was trying my best.

and so i'm walking down hutt street to school
and as i stop for the red light,
this guy catches up with me, stares at me and goes

"You stupid B*tch, i'm gonna rape you"

. . . . . . .

i am fine
thank God for long legs and brains and a dun mess with me look on my face

but i must admit,
i am a little scared to be walking on my own for now.

wooooooooooohooooooooooo!!

1 Australian dollar = 2.66035726 Malaysian ringgits

i can live with losing anything.

But i cannot live without you Jesus.

You're the one constant thing in my life.

You give my life amazing purpose and direction beyond my own dreams.

Life means nothing without You in it.

happy bday to iyad :)
you're a gem from maldives :)

i'm glad we're good friends :)


*****

ps: real friends don't lie to each other.
so if your thinking of being untruthful to someone you really care about,
please give it a second thought.
You're bound to hurt someone.

lets be courteous and kind in our relationships with others, shall we?

:)

oh boy its october!!!!!
where did the year go to??


placement with Aram at the Trott Park Pharmacy was pretty fun.
Despite the fact that i was a disaster most of the time,
and the fact that the locals were not used to this "Asian" girl with the funny accent,
which made me repeat myself almost every time i said something..

i'm looking forward to friday,
and Saturday too
:)

i was stranded in the city for almost 1 hr doing nothing today coz i missed every single bus i was trying to catch to get back to hutt street.
missed the connector..
then tried to run off to catch the city loop which is not of much use as it doesn't get me significantly close to home.
and yes i missed that too..
in the end i decided to hang around in coles while waiting for the next connector and do what i do best:
grocery shopping!
*heart*
well i got bored after 10 mins coz i din need to buy much,
and nothing interesting was on specials.
spent 30 mins in coles, and then headed down to catch the connector.

met this chinese uncle who conveniently started a conversation with me in mandarin.
hm, so yea talk talk talk...
then it came to a point where he used this HUGE jargon..
and i was like errrrrrrrrrrr.....
and then he blurts out " you malaysian right??"
......
seriously uncle.. we're in adelaide..
speak english la to begin with if u can speak english!
but he was impressed with my apparently fluent mandarin though.
boy, was he easy to impress :P