today Helen and i were absolutely pushed to the limits
i didn't crack under the pressure
Helen, was pretty much cracking
which i can totally understand, coz she's the owner of the pharmacy
3.30 and i finally get a bit of time for lunch
i run over to Wendy's to get a hotdog and a milkshake
i come back in..
and the pharmacy is FULL again
and then i'm back in the dispensary dispensing, counselling patients, answering phone calls


and then i cracked


we are wayyy too understaffed


Helen appreciates my effort, i can tell
just the way she smiles at me and how she calms down when i take the initiative to help even though i'm not clocked on
i know i don't have to do it,
like all the other staff,
i can just sit there and insist that its my break
and go "why are you on? ur on your break!? just don't bother!"
but we're talking healthcare here
people need their medication
people need their advice
pharmacists have a duty of care
and its way more significant than a hot dog going cold or a milkshake melting

we have a responsibility
and shop staff just don't get that


i'm so exhausted now i feel like hiding under my sheets and sobbing
the thought of going in to work tmrw morn is just nauseating
but the words every coach drummed into my head since i was 8 years old still rings till today:

NO PAIN, NO GAIN.

come on shaleen.
This is the worst job scenario,
but it's the best training you'll ever get.
Be grateful.
God has His reasons :)


haa
i feel better now
just remembering that my Jesus is watching and smiling at me from heaven :)

i feel..

lonely

today mr xyz came in
sorry, can't leave name of patients here,
confidentiality.
i could get sued if i did.

and as always he stood at the counter and talked to me as i prepared his prescription which he was picking up for his wife

and over last 3 months i've learnt to really love this sweet man.
he's not that old, about daddy's age.
comes in roughly every two weeks to pick up a truck load of meds, mostly for his wife.
and there's just something about him which just melts my heart.
i'm not sure if its just his tone of voice.
or just the fact that he spends time getting to know me, genuinely.
or maybe its just his sweet smile.
and the wrinkles that form around his eyes when he does.
or maybe its the fact that he wears the same faded blue cap every time he comes in.
even today as we talked about me going back to adelaide,
and that i'll be seeing my family soon,
and as he walked out he said "behave yourself alright?"
awh
i dunno what or how.
but this old man has really won my heart.
i almost teared waving bye bye to him today just at the thought that i won't see him next week.
LOL

lets just say he felt like a daddy :)
what can i buy for him and his wife from the melbourne market next week :)
hmmmm
i hope i can get them something.


:)

haaaaaa

i love being in love :)

today i joined a few other women at a gathering
and there was me, aged 22,
another lady with a teenage daughter,
and a grandmother,
a lady with two sons around my age who just recently remarried,
and a lady who had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy.

and just to hear everyone share,
i was so amazed at the things they had to say,
about just being a woman,
being a mother,
a wife,
a sister,
a daughter,
i was so blown away.
i learnt so much tonight.
so much wisdom they had.
sometimes we think we're smart just because we did uni.
think twice people before we criticize older people, whether or not they did uni or not.
they usually know a lot more than u learnt at uni.
so hush, listen, and learn.

also tonight, for the first time i saw and felt the joy of being a mother just by looking at someone.
watching the lady tear spontaneously, just because it was her first time away from her new little baby,
and hear her say "oh stop talking about him! i just miss him" and wipe her tears thru her giggles.
i was lost for words.
would i feel that way too someday?
does it get that overwhelming?
do you feel that attached to that "person" u conceived?
but why would u tear?
u know you'll be home with your baby in 2 hours.
i still can't comprehend.
would a daddy feel such overwhelming joy as a mummy would?
why would he?
but he didn't go thru the same things a mum would through a pregnancy?
hm.
i don't understand,
but i can't help feel the warmth in my heart just thinking of how it might feel.
so many questions.
life will answer it when the time comes :)

wow
such an honour to be a lady to have the ability to bear a child
so many times we take that for granted that we can bear miracles :)
i'm absolutely mesmerized

and men, you're darlings in your own ways too :)

Ridzuan's baby is due on the 21st of April
which is a month away
and apparently its a boy
he must be extremely pleased coz he always wanted his first child to be a boy
i'm excited!!!
ok perhaps a pinch jealous
but hugely and largely excited :D :D

wonder if he'd feel the same way when its my turn to have a baby

what made my weekend:

awesome choir performance
the choir isn't the best choir on earth,
but its not all about being the best, its more than that


the desert fringe
with stand up comedians and amazing bands


privacy and comfort in Helen's house
love the liberty of being on my own
leaving toilet doors open
running around in my knickers
singing and dancing like a mad woman
leaving a pile of dishes in the sink till tmrw morn
haaaaa....
wonder how its gonna be like living with a hubby and 12 kids


weight loss
current weight:
fluctuates btw 67-68 :D
yay :D
tummy is hideous though..
need to exercise!!!


hearing the voices of loved ones:
daddy
mummy
sher mayne




a surprise note from one of the taxi drivers under my door,
wishing me all the best with my search for a car :D
how sweet! :D


a nice hot soak in the bath tub in rose and jasmine
haaaaaa
i'm such a woman
was a good relaxing treat considering the crazy week i had
and the sickening pile of stressful work every single day
i hope things start getting more settled begining april
i thought march would be sensible, but it obviously wasn't yet



test drove a manual car
and found out that i can still maneuver a manual without any dramas
go go amigos!



everybody loved my cracked up mms today
sent my face all around the globe, just for the fun of it :D
and the responses i received..
haha
was double the fun compared to the fun of sending it!




one more week and i'm gonna have to kiss my nokia E71 goodbye.
just when i'm starting to absolutely love it.
huhuhu.
but hm i gues my (*^^!#!^%$ sister would appreciate it more than i would
trust me to use a 3210 nokia in 2020 and not hear me grumble
haha



6 days to adelaide
7 days to daddy, kami and belle
9 days to my graduation
13 days to Wicked in Melbourne

and then i think i'm gonna have a really hard time getting used to being alone here in port augusta again after a week with family and friends in adelaide

it always gets harder the more times we say goodbye, doesn't it
coz you know what its gonna feel like without them loved ones close to you.


i'm gonna be working under Bernard's supervision tmrw
Bearnard is the previous owner of the pharmacy
and i'm so nervous
i'm still the most useless health professional on earth
but i'm getting there.
step by step.


i feel helpless in pharmacy.
but do i regret spending 5 years doing the course?
not even a tiny bit.
coz knowledge is never a waste.
and i know God's plans are always good.
but that burden on my heart is still there.
beyond just pharmacy.
and i will not stop until i fulfill my calling here on earth.
but what do i do next?
where do i go?
i... am not sure.
and that's when we, both u and i need to get on our knees and seek unrelentingly.
and then the answers will be crystal clear.
you'll never be ready for your task unless you walk through the preparation stage.
step by step.



***

i am sooooooooooo exhausted
so so so so so exhausted
maybe i should stop doing the extra hours
its not like i'm getting paid
maybe jimmy is right,
its really not worth giving the 150% although u feel so responsible towards the workload
hm
i'll try not to overwork starting tmrw
if i end at 5.30, i'll leave by 5.30
i have a life to live too. which i tend to forget sometimes.

i miss paradise community church

and so i missed the carols last year at church,
altho i had been DYING to be at it all year
and i heard how amazing pastor daniel sang with Marina Prior..
and i stumbled upon in on you tube!!
YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT!!
this guy is NO SUPERSTAR,
he's the most humble, genuine and sincere singer i've ever known..
plus, he's so so so so so funny!
and absolutely grounded in the word of God.
and his voice..
oh gosh..
i see the gates of heaven opening everytime he sings.
i was screaming to myself watching this vid lol.
it was that beautiful.



10 cheers to the camera, sound and lighting crew as well!
the whole creative team of PCC is just phenomenal
i dare say 95% of them are volunteers
and all are amateurs
but with one heart and one spirit
the results they produce are spectacular
****
and so i missed the influencers conference as well at paradise this year
(again)

and i knew wee li was performing some drum ensemble that the awesome and amazing pastor Daniel came up with

and then i saw it on youtube!
haha!

i love it :D
how creative!

and i think wee li's the one on the top corner.
the dude looks chinese. lol.



and then i came across the influencers vid!

and there's like 2 secs of li whacking the drum.
did u spot the chinese dude?
LOL
haha
but urgh!
i sooooooo wanna go for influencers next year!!
why?
coz i love the word of God
coz its REAL!

and boy i miss that church
that church,
with the thousands and thousands of people praying and believing,
the miracles, physical and emotional healings, live transformations that you see within the church and out in our city of Adelaide is just mind blowing
Hallelujah!

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather
'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee?

~ brooke fraser

****

would you...?

come back, will you
i'll be waiting
i'm not gonna point out your mistakes.
not gonno prove you wrong,
i'm gonna hold you,
kiss you,
and tell you how much i've longed for this day.
the day you find your way back home from your search and adventure.

come home,
when you're ready..

O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

how amazing is that?

whether you're a believer or not,

there is a God who knows your every detail of your existance!

how amazing!

*****

Sweet Jesus,
what is this wall of pain i have built
that hinders me from feeling your presence like i used to.
what have i done?
where have i strayed?
I wanna wake up in the morn and the first thing i see is Your sweet face.
and the first thing i feel is your everlasting love.
being me to that place of revelation once more.
some chains need to be broken.


***


why all the dramas?
homesick?
work politics?
non-ideal living environment?
other responsibilities?

i believe it all bores down to one word:

hurt

ouch

this weekend i really wanna spend time to myself
and just to get some rest.

staying in bed for the day sounds... hm..:)

come on wound, heal up now
you can't keep holding me back like this

***

and so josh leaves adelaide in 2 weeks
i still recall us all in one room
yu sheng, me, josh, lucas, ted
then yu sheng left
then it was me, josh, lucas and ted
then lucas left
then i left
and now josh leaves..

:(

everyone leaves
i wish i had a stable human who would alwz be there with me through every season,
every change,
every phase,
every victory,
every fall,
news flash shaleen,
that will never happen

coz we're only human

***

i love pastor mark's message on fb this week

Proverbs 25v9,10"When arguing with your neighbour dont betray another persons secret. Others may accuse you of gossip and you will never regain your good reputation"

In the heat of an arguement its so easy to blurt out something you will later regret. You want to be proved right and it's tempting to let out that little piece of information that you know is a secret but it makes you right. Don't do it, it will damage relationships and your reputation. A wise person has a reputation for being able to keep confidences. Its a good reputation to have because people will come to you at their times of vunerability if they know they can trust you, and you get chance to point them to Christ.
Have a blessed week
Love Ps mark and Nina

i have found myself in that situation so so so so so so so so many times
i'm glad i have the word of God to teach me,
and to help me guard my heart and my tongue.
how great is the word of God?
soooo good :D

****

also look what my daddy's colleagues sent around thru email:

Dear Uncle,

Wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

This guy never sleeps. Works incessantly and tirelessly. Good at heart. Loves to help people. At his age, he should be enjoying life outside work but no, he tells me “He loves working at Nu Skin and still has the passion to take things to another level”. He reminds me of Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester United team manager), a winner many times over and someone who just don’t know when to stop. My hats off to you Jaya! Have a wonderful birthday!

Hardworking, energetic, helpful and great in coming up with an idea to solve a problem. ~ Warehouse team


awwwwwhhhhhhhh

i knew i wasn't exaggerating when i said my daddy is a superman :D

i soooo wanna go home and give him huge kiss on his pokey unshaven cheeks!

and hm maybe i do look a little bit like daddy
:D
yay!

daddy called,
and goes " eh why you go and tell all your friends ah! crazy ah you!"
and then he laughs
awwwhhh :D
i know when my daddy's laugh is genuine
and just to hear him mention your names :D
i couldn't stop smiling myself!
some of you didn't leave your names tho..lol
and mummy goes " yalah! all like uncle 0nly! nobody rmbr aunty! :P"

wait la mummyyyy.....
you turn in october..
the WHOLE mgs from Kami's batch to my batch gonna msg u nyeheheh.

you know some ppl may criticize what i did and say that i'm cheating daddy into thinking that people appreciate him
but i believe that you wouldn't have bothered to text unless u did personally appreciate him
all i did was make u aware of the significant date
and the choice was really up to you:)
thank you so so so so much for the little bit of effort to make a lovable 62 year old man smile
:D
i can't thank you enough!


i love my daddy!!
so so so so so so much!
its alwz worth the effort showing your parents your love and appreciation
after all God did command us to honour our father and mother
:D
i honour them with joy!

amazing how my friends watch out for me
one wrong move i make
and they're there staring at me like a hawk
it just takes one to find out and all a sudden a whole network of people are at my back,
making sure i don't stumble

i hate it
that i can't stop doing things which pleasures me now but at the end of the day kills me on the inside
i hate it that they nag me, scream at me, talk sense into me

but i know they are right

at least some people love me enough to hurt my feelings for my own good

sigh why do i alwz get myself into trouble!!!!

Holy Spirit, help me!

i pray for self control!
GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU DEVIL!
YOU AND ALL YOUR LIES!!!
GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel like running away
to a far far away place
just to be on my own
where noone knows me
and start over

just leave everyone and everything behind
just shut the door and start anew
and start fresh

fresh

i want to cry so badly
but while hosting someone at your place,
you can't be in a corner shedding tears of hurt
suck it in,
smile,
make sure she has everything she needs and that she's comfortable.
its not all about you, shaleen.
people around you need your love and support.

fresh

i want to start fresh once more

happy belated International Women's day :)
i love the 8th of March :)
To all the amazing women in the world,
we celebrate and appreciate your beauty and sacrifices.
and to the men,
as much as we love, adore and appreciate your strength and masculinity,
we wish for similar adoration and respect
for those who already do, we thank you :)

siew ghee got an internship in toronto!!!!
FINALLYYY!!
after sooooo many months of going thru his stupid resumes and making it better and better when it was already phenomenal to begin with..

i'm soooooooooooooooooooooo exciteddddd!!
FINALLLLLYYYY!!!!
i know how hard it is to get an internship especially when it comes to professional world
yeah!
*jumps around in joy*

now just for the countdown to my trip to toronto...

:D
:D



this has been the best weekend ever
i felt like i had wings worshiping God
if i could have reached higher i would
every burden just melted away
i fell in love again
and what a feeling
and i was reminded of the promise God gave me in the beginning of the year:
there is nothing Jesus and i will not be able to handle in 2009
amen!
if only you'd give yourself a chance to taste and see how good it is to open up to your very own creator

the people i met again after quite some time
the excitement
the memories we laughed about together
it almost felt like family
all the "OMG ITS SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK" and "do we really have to say goodbye again" hugs..
this weekend, i fell in love again with the whole reason i'm alive
i feel so at peace within the turmoil i'm living in

Adelaide has somehow become home
one last hour here till i'm back in port augusta
:(
:(
:(

i'll miss you again..

:'(

i hate what people do to themselves with alcohol

i hate what people do to themselves with sex

i hate what people do to themselves with drugs

sorry if i have offended anyone

i refuse to stay silent tonight

wake up people, wake up.

summary of my day:

work - disaster
bike - lights and blinkers got stolen
choir - not great, but was alright
women's day - made heaps of new friends
emotionally - shattered

i had 3 ladies come up to me and tell me that my voice stood out today
i'm like wow
that is absolutely encouraging
:)
back to singing, shaleeni
it's been a while
we've all gotta start somewhere

let me encourage you to be an encourager!
say words that bring life instead of putting ppl down,
you'll be amazed how much diff u can make in someone's life just by being supportive :)


plans to go home to malaysia : CANCELLED

when i'll head home next : ......

had an encounter with a baby wallaby today
will post pics tmrw

love,
shaleen

summary of my day

work - excellent, made ZERO dispensing mistakes
doctors - nasty experience, but good outcome
choir - all set for tmrw's performance
bike - almost got me killed
now - striking headache, resort to paracetamol and promethazine, in hopes to get some sleep tonight

i rmbr reading one of the stories in my giant book of stories mum bought for me when i was a little girl

and it was about this little boy who helped save a whale that got washed to the shore

and i rmbr how he used his clothes to soak up water and made trips to and fro to get water from the sea back to the shore to keep the whale wet

and today, down in tasmania

on king's island,

then exact same thing is happening

seeing the clothes on the magnificent animals

the people running up and down to get water

carrying these animals back to the sea

48 pilot whales and 5 dolphins have been saved so far

but 130 have died so far

if only there was a way i could contribute..

:(


***

another thought,

i miss being a child,

where our minds are so pure and clean and unshaped or uninfluenced by the terrible things of this world.

take some time to evaluate yourself,

what has the world shaped you into?

"Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." Mark 10:15

and when the dancing stops
i fall back onto my knees
face buried in my humble hands
i forgot how it felt to be weep

and as i stand vulnerable
out of my mouth comes prayer
and i felt faith stir in my spirit
i forgot the supernatural power of a desperate cry to the Almighty

oh Jesus, You're my only source of strength.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Break me Lord.
Break me.

"The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:15-18

waka nini yana? dhoma nyini yalka?
brrp? Yandagai, waka nini yana?
danyie walga, nga dtinaka, nganga-buraya
deya-win?
waka nini yana, dhoma nyini yalka?
brrp! yandgai, waka nini yana?

and i find myself dancing and swaying my arms and hips, singing, twirling and skimming all across the floor of my huge huge room with a huge smile on my face,
without missing the chance to admire the beatiful curves and sways my body could make thru my reflection in the mirror.


i forgot how much i loved to dance and sing.

****

i'm itching to tell megan her 24th bday present

coz its the CRAZIEST present i've EVER bought for someone

like the MOST INSANE AND OUT OF THIS WORLD present

and i'm glad Shelley Chee wanted to be part of it as well

a big happy 374 carrington street family!

gah, few more days and then i can publically display it here on the web.

i can't waittt!!!

****

i've finally bought myself my life application Bible

and i'm ABSOLUTELY loving it :)

reading the word of God brings life.

seriously.

like SERIOUSLY.

:D :D

and Lilian's coming tmrw!

yayayayyayayayaayyayayyyyy!!!

:D :D :D

sher mayne was right

talk to lucas

:)

i super miss him :(

just recalling how he laughs puts a smile on my face.

for those who don't know who Lucas is,

let me just describe him in a few words:

he's the sweetest,
strongest,
funniest,
most helpful,
most well mannered,
and most down to earth guy i've ever known.

thank God for the amazing friends i have.

gah! i super super super miss him :( :( :(

****

week 8 at work tmrw

i'm gonna try harder

and i'd do so so so much better

if only i could get some good,
undisturbed
sleep...

life with a purpose

God said:

"I am going to send MORE people into your life,
people you will not agree with your stand,
people who you will struggle to live with,
people who turn their backs againts you and me,
people who are doing things to themselves that's not of my will,

and you, my child, are going to love and care for each and everyone of them

it will not be easy,
but i will use you,
and the gifts i have given you,
to bring change into the lives of these people.
and they will go on to do the same for others.

follow me, my child,
i will teach u each step of the way "

***

sher mayne's suggestions on how to stop missing someone special :

1. go talk to more guys!!
2. go talk to lucasssss!!

shaleen : ....