daddy called,
and goes " eh why you go and tell all your friends ah! crazy ah you!"
and then he laughs
awwwhhh :D
i know when my daddy's laugh is genuine
and just to hear him mention your names :D
i couldn't stop smiling myself!
some of you didn't leave your names tho..lol
and mummy goes " yalah! all like uncle 0nly! nobody rmbr aunty! :P"

wait la mummyyyy.....
you turn in october..
the WHOLE mgs from Kami's batch to my batch gonna msg u nyeheheh.

you know some ppl may criticize what i did and say that i'm cheating daddy into thinking that people appreciate him
but i believe that you wouldn't have bothered to text unless u did personally appreciate him
all i did was make u aware of the significant date
and the choice was really up to you:)
thank you so so so so much for the little bit of effort to make a lovable 62 year old man smile
:D
i can't thank you enough!


i love my daddy!!
so so so so so so much!
its alwz worth the effort showing your parents your love and appreciation
after all God did command us to honour our father and mother
:D
i honour them with joy!

amazing how my friends watch out for me
one wrong move i make
and they're there staring at me like a hawk
it just takes one to find out and all a sudden a whole network of people are at my back,
making sure i don't stumble

i hate it
that i can't stop doing things which pleasures me now but at the end of the day kills me on the inside
i hate it that they nag me, scream at me, talk sense into me

but i know they are right

at least some people love me enough to hurt my feelings for my own good

sigh why do i alwz get myself into trouble!!!!

Holy Spirit, help me!

i pray for self control!
GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU DEVIL!
YOU AND ALL YOUR LIES!!!
GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel like running away
to a far far away place
just to be on my own
where noone knows me
and start over

just leave everyone and everything behind
just shut the door and start anew
and start fresh

fresh

i want to cry so badly
but while hosting someone at your place,
you can't be in a corner shedding tears of hurt
suck it in,
smile,
make sure she has everything she needs and that she's comfortable.
its not all about you, shaleen.
people around you need your love and support.

fresh

i want to start fresh once more

happy belated International Women's day :)
i love the 8th of March :)
To all the amazing women in the world,
we celebrate and appreciate your beauty and sacrifices.
and to the men,
as much as we love, adore and appreciate your strength and masculinity,
we wish for similar adoration and respect
for those who already do, we thank you :)

siew ghee got an internship in toronto!!!!
FINALLYYY!!
after sooooo many months of going thru his stupid resumes and making it better and better when it was already phenomenal to begin with..

i'm soooooooooooooooooooooo exciteddddd!!
FINALLLLLYYYY!!!!
i know how hard it is to get an internship especially when it comes to professional world
yeah!
*jumps around in joy*

now just for the countdown to my trip to toronto...

:D
:D



this has been the best weekend ever
i felt like i had wings worshiping God
if i could have reached higher i would
every burden just melted away
i fell in love again
and what a feeling
and i was reminded of the promise God gave me in the beginning of the year:
there is nothing Jesus and i will not be able to handle in 2009
amen!
if only you'd give yourself a chance to taste and see how good it is to open up to your very own creator

the people i met again after quite some time
the excitement
the memories we laughed about together
it almost felt like family
all the "OMG ITS SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK" and "do we really have to say goodbye again" hugs..
this weekend, i fell in love again with the whole reason i'm alive
i feel so at peace within the turmoil i'm living in

Adelaide has somehow become home
one last hour here till i'm back in port augusta
:(
:(
:(

i'll miss you again..

:'(

i hate what people do to themselves with alcohol

i hate what people do to themselves with sex

i hate what people do to themselves with drugs

sorry if i have offended anyone

i refuse to stay silent tonight

wake up people, wake up.

summary of my day:

work - disaster
bike - lights and blinkers got stolen
choir - not great, but was alright
women's day - made heaps of new friends
emotionally - shattered

i had 3 ladies come up to me and tell me that my voice stood out today
i'm like wow
that is absolutely encouraging
:)
back to singing, shaleeni
it's been a while
we've all gotta start somewhere

let me encourage you to be an encourager!
say words that bring life instead of putting ppl down,
you'll be amazed how much diff u can make in someone's life just by being supportive :)


plans to go home to malaysia : CANCELLED

when i'll head home next : ......

had an encounter with a baby wallaby today
will post pics tmrw

love,
shaleen

summary of my day

work - excellent, made ZERO dispensing mistakes
doctors - nasty experience, but good outcome
choir - all set for tmrw's performance
bike - almost got me killed
now - striking headache, resort to paracetamol and promethazine, in hopes to get some sleep tonight

i rmbr reading one of the stories in my giant book of stories mum bought for me when i was a little girl

and it was about this little boy who helped save a whale that got washed to the shore

and i rmbr how he used his clothes to soak up water and made trips to and fro to get water from the sea back to the shore to keep the whale wet

and today, down in tasmania

on king's island,

then exact same thing is happening

seeing the clothes on the magnificent animals

the people running up and down to get water

carrying these animals back to the sea

48 pilot whales and 5 dolphins have been saved so far

but 130 have died so far

if only there was a way i could contribute..

:(


***

another thought,

i miss being a child,

where our minds are so pure and clean and unshaped or uninfluenced by the terrible things of this world.

take some time to evaluate yourself,

what has the world shaped you into?

"Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." Mark 10:15

and when the dancing stops
i fall back onto my knees
face buried in my humble hands
i forgot how it felt to be weep

and as i stand vulnerable
out of my mouth comes prayer
and i felt faith stir in my spirit
i forgot the supernatural power of a desperate cry to the Almighty

oh Jesus, You're my only source of strength.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Break me Lord.
Break me.

"The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:15-18

waka nini yana? dhoma nyini yalka?
brrp? Yandagai, waka nini yana?
danyie walga, nga dtinaka, nganga-buraya
deya-win?
waka nini yana, dhoma nyini yalka?
brrp! yandgai, waka nini yana?

and i find myself dancing and swaying my arms and hips, singing, twirling and skimming all across the floor of my huge huge room with a huge smile on my face,
without missing the chance to admire the beatiful curves and sways my body could make thru my reflection in the mirror.


i forgot how much i loved to dance and sing.

****

i'm itching to tell megan her 24th bday present

coz its the CRAZIEST present i've EVER bought for someone

like the MOST INSANE AND OUT OF THIS WORLD present

and i'm glad Shelley Chee wanted to be part of it as well

a big happy 374 carrington street family!

gah, few more days and then i can publically display it here on the web.

i can't waittt!!!

****

i've finally bought myself my life application Bible

and i'm ABSOLUTELY loving it :)

reading the word of God brings life.

seriously.

like SERIOUSLY.

:D :D

and Lilian's coming tmrw!

yayayayyayayayaayyayayyyyy!!!

:D :D :D

sher mayne was right

talk to lucas

:)

i super miss him :(

just recalling how he laughs puts a smile on my face.

for those who don't know who Lucas is,

let me just describe him in a few words:

he's the sweetest,
strongest,
funniest,
most helpful,
most well mannered,
and most down to earth guy i've ever known.

thank God for the amazing friends i have.

gah! i super super super miss him :( :( :(

****

week 8 at work tmrw

i'm gonna try harder

and i'd do so so so much better

if only i could get some good,
undisturbed
sleep...

life with a purpose

God said:

"I am going to send MORE people into your life,
people you will not agree with your stand,
people who you will struggle to live with,
people who turn their backs againts you and me,
people who are doing things to themselves that's not of my will,

and you, my child, are going to love and care for each and everyone of them

it will not be easy,
but i will use you,
and the gifts i have given you,
to bring change into the lives of these people.
and they will go on to do the same for others.

follow me, my child,
i will teach u each step of the way "

***

sher mayne's suggestions on how to stop missing someone special :

1. go talk to more guys!!
2. go talk to lucasssss!!

shaleen : ....

i'm still bleeding

what's going on??

one more day

it might just be harmless haemorrhoids.

IT IS NOT IBS OR CHRONS OR BOWEL CANCER FOR GOODNESS SAKES SHALEENI.

i'm still pooing blood :(

what's going onnnn!!!!!

i believe its getting less tho...

*****

just got back from whyalla

was at a music workshop with a couple ladies

and i realise i CANNOT sing

i'm very inspired to play the piano more though

which is awesome

:)

*****

tmrw's the start of a brand new month

also marks my 8th week here in my new place

which also means its time to get serious about budgeting and putting money aside for saving

i've pretty much finished furnishing my house etc

so there shouldn't be too much spending anymore

i can buy more gifts for ppl :) :) :)

just posted one down to jinn

lets hope it doesn't get lost in the mail

******

I'm thinking of going back in late june or july

but i'm to scared to ask my boss to let me go for 2 weeks

technically i can do it if i want to..

i'm just.. scared

*bites nails*

i'll work extra hard this week and then i'll ask

*******

here's my to do list for this evening:

1. dishes
2. clean kitchen & bin
3. wash, hang, fold and iron clothes
4. clean room
5. vacumn house
6. file away paperwork
7. practice piano
8. bake cake
9. look for accommodation for graduation

then hopefully i'll still have some time to do a bit of personal reading and studying

*****

why do i believe in this God i don't see so so so so so so much?

because i have felt him, seen him, heard him,

and no words can describe how it feels to KNOW and feel his amazing love.

if you think food or any form of entertainment makes u feel great,

you'll be BLOWN AWAY with how much GREATER living with God is.

Take my word for it.

:) :) :)

****

sher mayne's got a line!

and she's on THREEEEEEE!!!!

:)

free calls, free mms!

awesssssoooooommmmmmmmmmmeeeee :D :D

winds of change

a lot has changed.

things certainly will never be the same.

2009 is a new year.

new job, new location, new people.


****

lillian goes back to adelaide after work today.

:(

how fun to have someone who likes being around you with you.

she'll be back next tues :)

i'll look forward to that.

today's goal at work : less mistakes

****

couple of interesting things that happened yest:

1. a little girl came into the pharmacy.
she's taking part in the world's greatest shave for the leukemia foundation.
and she's shaving her head 0n the day her grandmother died of leukemia.
i happily contributed to her effort :)
i was so inspired :)

2. A mental health patient calls the pharmacy and requests to speak to me.
he asks me out for coffee on friday and to a birthday party on Saturday with him.
my colleagues were both horrified and amused.
i declined them both, politely.
my colleagues think i should tell him i have a 6 foot bf who's buff and who's a big jealous pot.
we'll see how that goes.
i'm quite scared to answer phone calls now.
not because he has a mental health condition,
but just because i don't want to lead him on to think that i'm interested to break certain boundaries.

3. i could not get a car loan.
i have to wait another 5 weeks before i can get it approved.

4. boss sends me to the newsagency to buy the local newspaper.
i stepped in, and i hear tom baxter's single "better" on the speakers.
how shocking!
not many australians know tom baxter since he's UK based.
and i felt.....
i dunno.
i could not describe how i felt.
but i felt.. better.
:)


5. dad asked me to come home when i can.
and that's exactly what i'm gonna do.

gotta ask for leave today.
boss isn't gonna be thrilled.
but i do have 30 days of annual leave anyway..

6. i'm pooing blood.
not the little bit you generally get when ur constipated to the max.
but like blood blood.
like significant red blood blood.
been 2 days.
its fresh red so i'm absolutely sure its not bleeding anywhere in the tummy.
probably somewhere lower down the intestine.
keeping an eye on the progress to see if it gets better or worse.
don't worry, i WILL get it checked out if it goes on for the next couple of days.

start at 9.30 today.
that extra half an hour to myself feels so good.
:)

love you all,
shaleen

if you wanna be in the game then be in it.

don't just be a spectator,

wanting to follow the progress,
know the scores,
criticize the penalties,

but not get dirty in the field.

you know i'm talking to you.

"just call out your name and you'll be there?"

i must have been looking in the wrong direction.

coz i couldn't find you anywhere.

3 hours with Lilian in the house

and it feels so so so so so so much better :)

other than the fact that i don't have my own privacy while she's around..

its good to have someone to talk to

at least for 2 nights in a week

that's awesome

:)

happy

:)

but when still the couple of seconds in each day,

i cannot help missing him

hm

what 5 years of geographical separation does to friendship

scenario 1:

siew ghee: hi babe

shaleen: LOL. eeeeuuu. You made my hair stand. *shudders*

siew ghee: hahaha. fine. i guess you don't wanna be affectionate with me. that's ok.

LOL

***
scenario 2:

siew ghee: eh shaleeni, stop obsessing. i'm sure somewhere in the bible it says don't call a person more than 10 times in 3 hours. somewhheeeerrree.

LOL

***
scenario 3:

siew ghee: i'll come online more often so you can talk to me.haha i know i'm very perasan. but its ok for a friend.

shaleen: LOL i at work 8.30 to 6. i come back its ur bedtime d.

siew ghee: haha somehow la. if it doesn't work, can't say i didn't try. hahahh.

LOL

***
scenario 4:

siew ghee: where did u go? you appearing offline? why?

shaleen: coz i'm doing chores and stuff. pura pura not there la.

siew ghee: lol. what is it that i have. that you want to talk to me. but not anyone else. hahhaa.

shaleen: *rolls eyes*

LOL

***
scenario 5:

shaleen: don't u dare lie! i will not talk to u ever!

siew ghee: haha you couldn't last a day not talking to me.

siew ghee: ok not so true.but you couldn't not talk to me ever.

shaleen: try me.

siew ghee: don't even suggest it.

LOL

***
scenario 6:

shaleen: i super need to study d

siew ghee: ok. go go gadget study!

shaleen: ....

LOL

***
scenario 7:

siew ghee: thanks for taking the time to read and reread my resume and cover letters :)

shaleen: pleasure :) now i shall get to studying. i'm one hour late ghee!! YOOOUUU!! *waves fist*

siew ghee: you love me la.. don't even try to deny it. haha.

shaleen: babi la you.

LOL


sigh some friends.... are worth the agony.

LOL

drastic changes in weather

+

overworking everyday

+

emotional insanity

+

convenience food instead of healthy food

+

constant lack of sleep

+

dehydration

=

the breakdown of Shaleen's physical body although the mind is still going strong

=

Shaleeni is burning up with a nasty fever, dizzy as ever, sickly nauseous and has a headache that's threatening to smash her brains to pieces.


took me 30 minutes to get home on my bike today instead of the usual 15 minutes.

tonight i should rest.

can't afford to be sick tmrw and not go to work.

there's too much work to complete.

and poor Helen will die without my help.

also, i can't be all sickly when Lilian arrives tmrw.

love,

Shaleen

dear Belle,

i held the beautiful silver keychain on my bible in my hand.

the one you gave me on my 21st birthday.

and i started to cry.

now don't u read this and start crying also.

i'll smack you.

i miss you.

Jeremiah 31:
³ “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.

⁴ I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel. You will again be happy
and dance merrily with your tambourines.