shaleeni is back on her feet

2009?

new job, new environment, new life?

bring it on.

i'm ready.

like totally.

this is war.

********

so i sent michelle off to cleve this morning

and the one thing on both our minds were

"what on earth did we get ourselves into!!"

and as i hugged her off we just didn't wanna let go of each other,

she'll be 3 hours away from me in port augusta all year,

and i'm determined to make a conscious effort to make her year in the 800 population area less miserable.

this is the toughest new year ever.

3 significant people i had to see off in a week.

Lucas will be the next on Tuesday.

I'm so tired of crying over the goodbyes.

but i can't help feeling sad that we won't be doing life together for some time.

and then in a few days time, it'll be a huge goodbye to all in Adelaide for me

i'm doing good by the way,
thank you if you were concerned :)

lets get it started

alright woman

vacation's over

time to get ur butt up, wipe your tears and get this shifting started.

challenge for the day :

pack up another quarter of my room.

alone or not, you've got work to do.

now move it!

ps: what's with the gloomy depressing winter lookalike 17 degrees in adelaide at like 9.30 am

seriously

it should be sunny, with birds chirping to welcome me home for my very last 10 days in adelaide!

and another ps: some ppl are just !@*(&#!(@^$!^@%

*****

this is it,
Shaleeni is on the 8.30am bus from Adelaide to Port Augusta on the 9th of January 2009.

*******

i'm pretty sure the question on everyone's mind right now is:

where's andrew?

andrew's gone back to Brisbane to spend the new year and the last couple of days with his cousin.

so i'd just like to use up a little space in this post to appreciate a good friend of mine, who made me cry buckets at the airport when he left me in this dry land.
not once, but TWICE.
yes, i did tell myself not to, but why struggle to hide emotions when they're genuine?
its perfectly normal to feel the loss when someone leaves you, isn't it?


good memories, young man.

you've made an impact on my life, and for that i thank you.

i hope i've done your trip justice.

if i have not, i sincerely apologise.

get home safe.

i'm sure your family misses you.

when the heart decides to speak..

so i turned on my old phone today

and started scrolling through old messages which i had not deleted since the last time i used it

dated roughly 2 years ago, before i left for Adelaide.

such warmth.

packed with sincerity, love and care.

no bitterness, no barriers, no hatred.

no jealousy, no ego, no lies.

full of encouragement and assurance.

i can still recall u reassuring me one night that we'd never grow apart despite the distance or circumstances.

and we worked hard on it.

we danced through every season together, hand in hand.

but after these 2 and a half weeks,

i'm starting to get the vibes that over the years,

unfortunately, we indeed have grown apart.

we're just dry. cold. brittle.

arrogance and ego reign.

love has been locked up and put away.

secrets and tales corrupt and threaten to rob the relationship of its innocence and trust.

miserable, indeed.

i used to believe u'd always walk this journey with me.

now i doubt if you'd prefer the option of walking away..

i've lost the sense of security in you, my friend.

i keep telling myself that its there,

but despite the trying,

i just don't feel it anymore.

and as the music haunts this new season and phase in life,

i reach out, wanting to dance with you once more,

only to find that maybe i should start to learn to dance on my own this time..

i miss you.
the you i got drawn to care for.

i miss us.
us being the great inseparable pair of buddies who used to bring immense joy to each other's lives.

can we be restored?

am i doing something wrong?

shaleeni is...

alive and well

having her well deserved vacation

heading back down to adelaide on the 15th

heh

lazy to write

will post some pics soon

bye all

*blows kisses*

12 hours

hello all

shaleeni leaves Malaysia tonight

i'll miss u.

already am.

lets not grow apart, shall we.

i love u all.

uproot.

i forgot that i was in the process of pulling everything out from the roots.

Instead i've strayed away and been feeding, nurturing and watching it grow.

and as it lives and gets sturdier, day by day i die a little more on the inside.

is realising this 1 day before i head off on my own again a little too late?

i think it is.

i'm stepping into the wrong battlefield.
this battle should not be mine to fight.
i need to leave.
coz there are some things in life not worth fighting against which we just need to run from.

i look ahead and all i see is pain.
then why do i still want to go there?

is it that hard to act on a decision that will save your soul from rejection and hurt?

uproot it Shaleen.
just do it.
please.
It'll only hurt for a while.

reluctance

Today i remembered how blessed i am to live in peace.

No living in fear every moment of the day, wondering what my next step would bring me into.

No playing with my mother without knowing that i might never see her again the moment i take my eyes of her.

No watching people killed and tortured in front of my very own eyes.

No need to hide away in hidden dungeons to try to live just for another day.

No looking at the table to find no food on it, that is, if there even is a table.

No walking barefooted on the burning grounds which sting my tender feet.

No constant running from enemies which are unseen.

I cannot bear imagining the agony.

What can i do with these humble hands to help these people.

What can i do with the knowledge and skills i've yet to master.

What can i do with so much more to equip and prepare myself with.

i don't know.

i helplessly don't know at this point..

Heavenly Father, i pray for Your people.

You've given me the heart,

and my one desire is to give it ALL back to You.

use me in Your time, i will follow.

the last 4 days

so much to do with so little time

i can't believe i'm going back there in 4 days!

Only God knows when i'll get to come back next.

I've even only bought a one way ticket this time.

urgh

even the thought of it makes me sick in the stomach.

well, there's no turning back i guess..

and like it or not,

the truth is that the moment i get my PR,

there's no way i'm gonna be settling down here in Malaysia in the next 5 years or so at least.

five.

such a harsh number.

will i ever lose my affection towards home like many others do after a certain number of years in a foreign country?

what if i do?

********

step by step Shaleen.

lets get through this phase first.

*******

ps: pharmers, i've FINALLY dyed my hair. and i'm hating it. heh.

great days are made of these..

breakfast with a feast of juicy mangoes plucked fresh from the tree in my garden

chasing and catching grasshoppers

playing with touch-me-not's and watching them shut with each gentle touch

Robin Koh's breakfast call

Andrew Chan's very exciting bank adventure

another session of productive shopping for aussie aussie aussie

the great company of Ng Ke Xin and mr Jon Koh

bowling where i did a personal best of 144 points
(i've never been a decent bowler)

prune and honey bubble tea and Macca's fries (with LOADS of sauce)

a 100m sprint home thanks to very upset Klang street dogs

My attempt for an extreme makeover with mummy's help which didn't turn out right

4 hours bickering and wrestling with Matthew Lee

Mi goreng, satay and sirap limau ais

and the thought of spending tomorrow with Matt, Rob and a surprise meet up with THANU!

Ahhhhhhhhhh

how blessed am i?

like totally.

i'm so glad i'm done with all the shopping for things to bring back to aussie

my pocket is dry, like seriously dry

today marks the end of spending

boy, am i glad.

i foresee tonnes of eating for the next few days.

sorry Andrew Chan, no hot skinny bikini babe walking next to u on our vacation la huh.
i cannot resist the food.


i love my life in Klang.
do i really have to go back to Australia next week?

1. earphones
2. blouse
3. bikini
4. reebok trainers
5. heaps of hair clips
6. undies

all at bargains!
ok maybe except the earphones.

productive shopping is TIRING.

why am i feeling so exhausted!?

next on my shopping list:

1. socks
2. international adapters
3. more tops
4. face sunblock
5. medicines and first aid
6. hat
7. beach thongs

kiss my hard earnt money goodbye.
but better buy it here while its cheaper!

good morning world

the time now is 1.34 pm,
and Shaleeni Jayamani just woke up from her 2nd block of sleep for the day

haha

got up at 7 this morning to a teddy bear in my face.
was from my sister.
aww.
OMG I'M LEAVING HOME AGAIN IN A WEEK.
here comes the turmoil of emotions.

had a massive tummy ache the moment i woke up,
and ended up sleeping on the sofa for another 5 hours.
talk about exhaustion.

now i feel even more tired from all the sleeping!
nasty!!
should get my lazy bum up and do some dangdut!
*wiggles butt*

*******

last night's outing with the St John girls from school was GREAAATT!
met Jinn, Sue-Li, See Ting,Wen Dee, Chin Yong and Juli who came back from NZ.
just like old times in school.
so sad that once upon a time we used to do everyday together,
now its just a couple of hours every 6 months.
everyone still looks the same,
and the chemistry has not changed either.
awesome.

********

and so 8 of us went cycling yesterday at bukit cahaya.
There was Tina, Soo, Ke Xin, and Sean,
as well as Hui Xin and Hui Ling,
plus Nath who was under my care for the day. haha

cycling was a blast.
loved working those flabby thighs uphill.
and surprisingly, although they're disgustingly flabby and wobbly now compared to the training days,
they're still pretty strong!
i managed to power uphill, ahead of hui xin and hui ling who are still training!
even hui xin was like "woi u gila one ah! nv train still stamina like horse!"

LOL!
must admit i was pleased!
such a boost!
i REALLY should do something to up my fitness level,
and hopefully at the same time slim down tonnes more next year.
i just hope working full time and studying at the same time won't hinder me from doing that.

*******

today is gonna be spent studying
been having these massive allergy strikes out of the blue begining last night
even now, my eyes are all wattery and i'm scratching my whole face as tho there are bugs crawling beneath my skin.
Thank God for the people who discovered antihistamines.
i'd be scratching my face all day if not for them.

alright time to start work!
goodbye lovelies.

mia and roger wang's showcase was phenomenal

i wouldn't mind being Roger Wang's maid if i could hear him play the guitar like that everyday

hahaha

and what a small world,

mia's flying to the Gold Coast on the same flight as i will be on the 8th of Dec.

haha.

*******
yesterday was a real testimony of the power of prayer.

i need to change the habit of only realising that God is out there for me only when things are going great.

i need to KNOW that even when things are going downhill,

God is already ahead of me fixing up the solution.

I need to understand that.

and I will keep praying.

I won't give up.

I will persevere.

*******

cycling time!

weeee!

what a storm outside.

Thank God daddy came home safely despite the rain and floods.

i pray that my sister will be back safely too.

***

time to start packing.

what a productive day!

excellent :D

spent the evening with ke xin and rob doing shopping

didn't manage to get much for myself though

just over a week left!

i need to work harder on my IELTS prep.

going slow, but going great.

*******

i think i'm putting on weight

again.

i feel like a bloated watermelon.

how laaaaaa.

such volatile weight.

*******

not in the writing or thinking mood.

too many things to do.

so just writing down the first things that come to my mind without putting much thought into it.

the 3rd years will have their final paper on Saturday,
i hope they're studying well.

preparation for Andrew's trip isn't going too great.
but i'm sure we'll pull through over the next week.

going for Mia's concert tmrw,
the dress code is the 60's
and i have NOTHING 60's in my wardrobe.
lets see what i can dig out of mummy's wardrobe.
ahahha.

*******

i'm so so so so sleepy! and its only 8pm!
i think my head is still clocked according to adelaide's time.
haha

such a happy day, compared to yesterday.

forgiving someone and letting go of grudges does bring forth effortless joy.
hm.
yay
i feel good
so good :)

did i swallow a grenade?

shaleeni jayamani has only one thing to get off her chest now:

i could not be bothered anymore.

at least for tonight.

maybe my largely forgiving heart will talk that tiny angry portion out of feeling this way.

but for now,

*exhales*

can anyone sense how sorry i feel for myself?

urgh

really not worth my time and effort!
why do i even bother!!!!!?????

i woke up to daddy screaming and banging on the gate after his morning walk with tyrande in his arms

tyrande (the new tyrande) had the same fate as his mum patches

yet another road kill

it really pays to live on the main road, especially when u have stubborn, kaypoh and curious cats

one dash out to the main road, and its goodbye

5 cats under our care have died over the past 2 years

are my parents doing something wrong?

i don't think so.

it just happens. unfortunately.

*******

otherwise,

today was a great day

got lots of things done.

********

been spending lots of my hard earned money on households for the family

although i'm only forking out pennies in comparison to the thousands my parents have forked out for me

i must say that contributing financially to the family feels GREAT

and i love it

i'm sure many of you can relate to what i'm saying.

:)

i feel like a big girl in the family, finally.

********

i can't believe tomorrow is already Thursday!!!

gotta appreciate and make the most of the few days i have left here in the comfort of home.

my 2nd week back home begins today

spent most of the day in coll helping my sis and meeting familiar faces

had a good time at lunch with my brother for life, mr Jon Koh

after 4 months, he has not changed a bit,

still as good looking, lame, hilarious, and late as ever.

today's chat over lunch i believe has launched the friendship into a whole new "dimension".

Thank God for good friends.

*********

still haven't decided whether i should live on my own next year

i need to decide, fast.

********

had another spoon from the bitter bowl of reality.

oh boy, it hurt. bad.

********

ironically when i'm trying not to rmbr Ridzuan at the sight of every corner in Klang and Subang,

out of the blue he decides to be extraordinarily nice to me.

i must admit, i am pleased.

********

ps: i miss u so much Marabelle Heng :(

the 27th National Inter-Club Swimming Championship 2008
for the Presiden's Cup

9 events

1215 athletes from all across Malaysia

ranging from record smashing swimmers to swimmers who literally pee in their seat due to nervousness

love the scene

reluctantly disqualified 8 swimmers though on my lane over the 3 days

***

Matthew is having his exam this week
5 papers over 5 days begining today

yet he chooses to swim for the meet
and smashes his personal best for his pet 50 breast event

got me thinking
like wow, he still picks his sport over his studies.

i chose my game throughout the schooling days
exams or not, i played.
the exams could always wait.

but 3 years ago i had to make that choice,
my only and last shot sukma, or pharmacy

and i chose pharmacy
and here i am now winging about how much i miss the scene and that life is miserable with the books.

but if i had chosen sukma,
would i be where i am now?
one result away from a graduate pharmacist?

hm
interesting

but sigh
i still wish i had a shot at sukma
too late, i'm 22!
no more sukma's for me!

kena bomb

"what's the point of a blog for people to read when 100% of the time, they have no idea what the post is talking about?"

'i'm gonna stop reading one day in frustration"

"then u dun complain i dun read ur blog"

********

sob

i should stop emo-ing on my blog

i nv meant to frustrate people who genuinely care