did you miss me?

Dear all,

It's been a while

I've missed you, i have

Its just been all too busy but this year i promise to try and write at least once a month

Here's a little update about what's going on here in my little world:

1. I'm a fully registered pharmacist now, meaning i am fully responsible and am able to practice independently

2. I've moved into a new home
It's wonderful, it feels like... a home.

3. I've got 2 dogs and a cat who belong to my flatmate, but we share the responsibilities and the joys of having them around.

4. I work 9 days on and then get 5 days off

5. I'm the music leader at my church, which is very exciting

6. I bought a piano this week, looking forward to it being set up in my lounge in a couple of months.

7. I'm fat. Yes, nothing has changed.

8. Meet the boyfriend, Kean.

9. I'm on a new adventure to brush up my music knowledge i once had.

10. Planning starting a children's choir in Port Augusta.

11. Hoping to make my way home to Malaysia soon.

12. Looking forward to hold my friend, Kelly's baby in my arms in a few days time.

13. Loving every day of my life.

14. Missing you every day too.

Love, Shaleen

And so its time to say goodbye again to the place i call home.

Or perhaps the place i once called home..

okay lets not go there.

Gonna be a disgusting journey, but i'm excited.

Its true, i do miss home all the time,

but there's something about Port Augusta that constantly draws me back to it.

Maybe its just God.

I know i'm on the right path.

and i've never felt better about anything ever.

God's choices are ALWAYS the best for you,

all you gotta do is listen, and obey.

yoohoo!!

Here i come Port Augusta!

I see blessings and adventure ahead!

I will miss you, home.

Much love, Shaleen.

shaleeni jayamani is officially a permanent resident of Australia

:)

dear folks,

Yes i've been busy.
HONEST!

work's crazy!
assignments due??!!
friends to look after!


Lillian's moved out, so life's back to normal i suppose,
which in a way is good as well coz it allows me to catch up on my own personal life,
now i have the room to myself to study at any time i want to,
to do my quiet time,
and just to have my own personal space.

But i miss her though.

Had a seminar today, was just awesome!
Work has been so flat strap that i really missed learning in an adult learning environment like in uni.

Looking forward to friday,
will be driving my new little baby with the company of Michelle Ho all the way from Cleve, as well as Lillian and Sharon..
Gonna be a long drive all the way home after work,
but i reckon i'd be alright.

Can't wait to get back to Adelaide!
Just wanna see everyone again and smile from ear to ear!

:D

so its been a while.

why?

because i have better things to do now than sit here and blog LOL.

so here's to yet another point form update:

Got another Malaysia girl in town for the month, Sharon, from uni.
Knew her since SIT, so its great fun.

I'm signing up for curves, because its getting too dark to run outdoors these days.

Jaws died.
Maybe I'm not a very good carer.

Looking after Helen's dogs again this week.
Lost them again last night, but managed to find them despite the dark.

Work is getting better.
Less dispensing mistakes,
and more confident and independent.
Still got lots to learn though.

Sudden exponential influx of men.
Like men, not boys. MEN.

Bought my car.
Very very pleased.
Time to start repaying my bank loan.

Got my medicare sorted out as well.
Looking out for car and health insurance now,
and speaking of medicare, i really should get my Gardasil jab before since we can get it free for now.

2 weeks before i go to Adelaide.
I'm very very excited.

Too lazy to write any more, got heaps of work to do.

Will write more soon, hopefully.

Love you all,
Shaleen.

The loneliest weekend

i miss everyone more and more each time i go back to Adelaide
it just gets worse after every trip
:(

i wanna go back, back to everyone i love
and back to everyone who loves me too
:'(

belllleeeee :( :( :(
i didn't get enough of you although we spent almost everyday of your stay together
you always always always always make me cry!
*pout*
i miss you so so so terribly
:(

hold me sweet Jesus,
i feel so alone.
But i know i'm not.
I know You're here with me.
There's nothing You and I cannot handle together.

Come on Shaleen, you've got the creator of the universe on your side.
You shine with His glory :)

Hallelujah.

on a happy note, i studied really well today :)
study buddy Jolene and I are back to our old '3o minute block' routine
:)
Good to push each other to keep going although we're so far away from each other now.
Love you little monkey :)

ps: Study well 4th year pharmers, it'll be over soon.
:)

OMGOODNESS! SHE BUTCHERED HER HAIR!

no, i did not chop my head off either, in case you were wondering.
Just had to show you my grad dress.
Yes, the one which i had been going on and on about.
And yes, the one i paid @()(#@!&*$^@!*&^#!(*! for...

Anywaaaayyyy....
pics!
;D

and oh,
the pics of the baby wallaby that was at the pharmacy the other day..
look!
how cuuuuteeeeee :D :D :D

sorry peeps,
i'm just toooooooooo lazy to write proper posts these days.

anyway,
i'm back to work!

and in case nobody noticed, i had 6 inches of my precious long locks cut off for my grad!
i'm surprised that i actually like my new haircut :D

i finally bought my latest pet:
a cute little goldfish named JAWS!
hahaha
should buy another one to keep little Jaws company

Cleaned up the house and the fridge and washed two weeks worth of laundry!
ooh!

My bank loan got approved.
Not very smart of me to have taken the loan at such a high interest rate.
but well like daddy said,
this is my first lesson in practical financing.
which is true.
i'm starting to learn all this now :)

I went jogging too!
felt sooooooooooooooo good
but gosh my legs are so weak now that going up a tiny slope is just pure agony!
and only after two days of jogging,
cranky old injured ankle decides to winge.
now its all strapped up again.
better stop hurting FAST, coz i wanna run regularly now.
If only there was an indoor pool,
at least i can swim instead of run then.
maybe i should sign up for the city to bay run again this year down in adelaide :)

We were so flat out on thursday at the pharmacy that we couldn't get our stock order in on time
which means we're gonna be in BIG trouble coz we're SOOOOO out of stock for tues.
I better make sure i get the order in on tuesday early so that everything comes in on wednesday.

Feeling a little lonely this weekend.
Port Augusta is heaps nice.
The people are extremely nice too.
but i still can't seem to make any friends who are in my age bracket who have similar interests as well.
slowly i suppose.

can't wait to go to church tomorrow.
:)

1 month left till i go back to Adelaide,
and 7 weeks till i FLY HOME HOME HOME!
:D :D :D

love u all,
Shaleen

ps: for those who have confessed their addiction to my playlist, and visit this blog merely to listen to the songs ( and not read about me..*sigh*) i've added something new for u :)

*blows kisses*

car on its way

long weekend

gorgeous haircut

whole house to myself

started studying

exciting new friendships sprouting

new pet

one hour long telephone conversations

who wouldn't be on cloud 9?

too lazy to write today

love u all,
Shaleen

thank you jon

for always believing in me

and reminding me of who i am

i cherish you

:)

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl


*smiles*
why am i allllwwwaaaayyysss madly in love.

and why do i always deny it.

and i wonder why i lose out all the time.

maybe its time to give up current fantasies that are clearly heading into nothing but destruction.

if i'm gonna be needing to try so hard and carry such burdens,
its clearly saying its not meant to be.
maybe i'm just not listening.

but beneath all the chaos and confusion,
deep in my heart i feel peace knowing and so convinced that my true prince will come.

and i won't even have to try.

so sit back and enjoy the ride :)

i love life.

its just, beautiful :)

today Helen and i were absolutely pushed to the limits
i didn't crack under the pressure
Helen, was pretty much cracking
which i can totally understand, coz she's the owner of the pharmacy
3.30 and i finally get a bit of time for lunch
i run over to Wendy's to get a hotdog and a milkshake
i come back in..
and the pharmacy is FULL again
and then i'm back in the dispensary dispensing, counselling patients, answering phone calls


and then i cracked


we are wayyy too understaffed


Helen appreciates my effort, i can tell
just the way she smiles at me and how she calms down when i take the initiative to help even though i'm not clocked on
i know i don't have to do it,
like all the other staff,
i can just sit there and insist that its my break
and go "why are you on? ur on your break!? just don't bother!"
but we're talking healthcare here
people need their medication
people need their advice
pharmacists have a duty of care
and its way more significant than a hot dog going cold or a milkshake melting

we have a responsibility
and shop staff just don't get that


i'm so exhausted now i feel like hiding under my sheets and sobbing
the thought of going in to work tmrw morn is just nauseating
but the words every coach drummed into my head since i was 8 years old still rings till today:

NO PAIN, NO GAIN.

come on shaleen.
This is the worst job scenario,
but it's the best training you'll ever get.
Be grateful.
God has His reasons :)


haa
i feel better now
just remembering that my Jesus is watching and smiling at me from heaven :)

i feel..

lonely

today mr xyz came in
sorry, can't leave name of patients here,
confidentiality.
i could get sued if i did.

and as always he stood at the counter and talked to me as i prepared his prescription which he was picking up for his wife

and over last 3 months i've learnt to really love this sweet man.
he's not that old, about daddy's age.
comes in roughly every two weeks to pick up a truck load of meds, mostly for his wife.
and there's just something about him which just melts my heart.
i'm not sure if its just his tone of voice.
or just the fact that he spends time getting to know me, genuinely.
or maybe its just his sweet smile.
and the wrinkles that form around his eyes when he does.
or maybe its the fact that he wears the same faded blue cap every time he comes in.
even today as we talked about me going back to adelaide,
and that i'll be seeing my family soon,
and as he walked out he said "behave yourself alright?"
awh
i dunno what or how.
but this old man has really won my heart.
i almost teared waving bye bye to him today just at the thought that i won't see him next week.
LOL

lets just say he felt like a daddy :)
what can i buy for him and his wife from the melbourne market next week :)
hmmmm
i hope i can get them something.


:)

haaaaaa

i love being in love :)

today i joined a few other women at a gathering
and there was me, aged 22,
another lady with a teenage daughter,
and a grandmother,
a lady with two sons around my age who just recently remarried,
and a lady who had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy.

and just to hear everyone share,
i was so amazed at the things they had to say,
about just being a woman,
being a mother,
a wife,
a sister,
a daughter,
i was so blown away.
i learnt so much tonight.
so much wisdom they had.
sometimes we think we're smart just because we did uni.
think twice people before we criticize older people, whether or not they did uni or not.
they usually know a lot more than u learnt at uni.
so hush, listen, and learn.

also tonight, for the first time i saw and felt the joy of being a mother just by looking at someone.
watching the lady tear spontaneously, just because it was her first time away from her new little baby,
and hear her say "oh stop talking about him! i just miss him" and wipe her tears thru her giggles.
i was lost for words.
would i feel that way too someday?
does it get that overwhelming?
do you feel that attached to that "person" u conceived?
but why would u tear?
u know you'll be home with your baby in 2 hours.
i still can't comprehend.
would a daddy feel such overwhelming joy as a mummy would?
why would he?
but he didn't go thru the same things a mum would through a pregnancy?
hm.
i don't understand,
but i can't help feel the warmth in my heart just thinking of how it might feel.
so many questions.
life will answer it when the time comes :)

wow
such an honour to be a lady to have the ability to bear a child
so many times we take that for granted that we can bear miracles :)
i'm absolutely mesmerized

and men, you're darlings in your own ways too :)

Ridzuan's baby is due on the 21st of April
which is a month away
and apparently its a boy
he must be extremely pleased coz he always wanted his first child to be a boy
i'm excited!!!
ok perhaps a pinch jealous
but hugely and largely excited :D :D

wonder if he'd feel the same way when its my turn to have a baby

what made my weekend:

awesome choir performance
the choir isn't the best choir on earth,
but its not all about being the best, its more than that


the desert fringe
with stand up comedians and amazing bands


privacy and comfort in Helen's house
love the liberty of being on my own
leaving toilet doors open
running around in my knickers
singing and dancing like a mad woman
leaving a pile of dishes in the sink till tmrw morn
haaaaa....
wonder how its gonna be like living with a hubby and 12 kids


weight loss
current weight:
fluctuates btw 67-68 :D
yay :D
tummy is hideous though..
need to exercise!!!


hearing the voices of loved ones:
daddy
mummy
sher mayne




a surprise note from one of the taxi drivers under my door,
wishing me all the best with my search for a car :D
how sweet! :D


a nice hot soak in the bath tub in rose and jasmine
haaaaaa
i'm such a woman
was a good relaxing treat considering the crazy week i had
and the sickening pile of stressful work every single day
i hope things start getting more settled begining april
i thought march would be sensible, but it obviously wasn't yet



test drove a manual car
and found out that i can still maneuver a manual without any dramas
go go amigos!



everybody loved my cracked up mms today
sent my face all around the globe, just for the fun of it :D
and the responses i received..
haha
was double the fun compared to the fun of sending it!




one more week and i'm gonna have to kiss my nokia E71 goodbye.
just when i'm starting to absolutely love it.
huhuhu.
but hm i gues my (*^^!#!^%$ sister would appreciate it more than i would
trust me to use a 3210 nokia in 2020 and not hear me grumble
haha



6 days to adelaide
7 days to daddy, kami and belle
9 days to my graduation
13 days to Wicked in Melbourne

and then i think i'm gonna have a really hard time getting used to being alone here in port augusta again after a week with family and friends in adelaide

it always gets harder the more times we say goodbye, doesn't it
coz you know what its gonna feel like without them loved ones close to you.


i'm gonna be working under Bernard's supervision tmrw
Bearnard is the previous owner of the pharmacy
and i'm so nervous
i'm still the most useless health professional on earth
but i'm getting there.
step by step.


i feel helpless in pharmacy.
but do i regret spending 5 years doing the course?
not even a tiny bit.
coz knowledge is never a waste.
and i know God's plans are always good.
but that burden on my heart is still there.
beyond just pharmacy.
and i will not stop until i fulfill my calling here on earth.
but what do i do next?
where do i go?
i... am not sure.
and that's when we, both u and i need to get on our knees and seek unrelentingly.
and then the answers will be crystal clear.
you'll never be ready for your task unless you walk through the preparation stage.
step by step.



***

i am sooooooooooo exhausted
so so so so so exhausted
maybe i should stop doing the extra hours
its not like i'm getting paid
maybe jimmy is right,
its really not worth giving the 150% although u feel so responsible towards the workload
hm
i'll try not to overwork starting tmrw
if i end at 5.30, i'll leave by 5.30
i have a life to live too. which i tend to forget sometimes.

i miss paradise community church

and so i missed the carols last year at church,
altho i had been DYING to be at it all year
and i heard how amazing pastor daniel sang with Marina Prior..
and i stumbled upon in on you tube!!
YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT!!
this guy is NO SUPERSTAR,
he's the most humble, genuine and sincere singer i've ever known..
plus, he's so so so so so funny!
and absolutely grounded in the word of God.
and his voice..
oh gosh..
i see the gates of heaven opening everytime he sings.
i was screaming to myself watching this vid lol.
it was that beautiful.



10 cheers to the camera, sound and lighting crew as well!
the whole creative team of PCC is just phenomenal
i dare say 95% of them are volunteers
and all are amateurs
but with one heart and one spirit
the results they produce are spectacular
****
and so i missed the influencers conference as well at paradise this year
(again)

and i knew wee li was performing some drum ensemble that the awesome and amazing pastor Daniel came up with

and then i saw it on youtube!
haha!

i love it :D
how creative!

and i think wee li's the one on the top corner.
the dude looks chinese. lol.



and then i came across the influencers vid!

and there's like 2 secs of li whacking the drum.
did u spot the chinese dude?
LOL
haha
but urgh!
i sooooooo wanna go for influencers next year!!
why?
coz i love the word of God
coz its REAL!

and boy i miss that church
that church,
with the thousands and thousands of people praying and believing,
the miracles, physical and emotional healings, live transformations that you see within the church and out in our city of Adelaide is just mind blowing
Hallelujah!

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather
'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee?

~ brooke fraser

****

would you...?

come back, will you
i'll be waiting
i'm not gonna point out your mistakes.
not gonno prove you wrong,
i'm gonna hold you,
kiss you,
and tell you how much i've longed for this day.
the day you find your way back home from your search and adventure.

come home,
when you're ready..

O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

how amazing is that?

whether you're a believer or not,

there is a God who knows your every detail of your existance!

how amazing!

*****

Sweet Jesus,
what is this wall of pain i have built
that hinders me from feeling your presence like i used to.
what have i done?
where have i strayed?
I wanna wake up in the morn and the first thing i see is Your sweet face.
and the first thing i feel is your everlasting love.
being me to that place of revelation once more.
some chains need to be broken.


***


why all the dramas?
homesick?
work politics?
non-ideal living environment?
other responsibilities?

i believe it all bores down to one word:

hurt

ouch

this weekend i really wanna spend time to myself
and just to get some rest.

staying in bed for the day sounds... hm..:)

come on wound, heal up now
you can't keep holding me back like this

***

and so josh leaves adelaide in 2 weeks
i still recall us all in one room
yu sheng, me, josh, lucas, ted
then yu sheng left
then it was me, josh, lucas and ted
then lucas left
then i left
and now josh leaves..

:(

everyone leaves
i wish i had a stable human who would alwz be there with me through every season,
every change,
every phase,
every victory,
every fall,
news flash shaleen,
that will never happen

coz we're only human

***

i love pastor mark's message on fb this week

Proverbs 25v9,10"When arguing with your neighbour dont betray another persons secret. Others may accuse you of gossip and you will never regain your good reputation"

In the heat of an arguement its so easy to blurt out something you will later regret. You want to be proved right and it's tempting to let out that little piece of information that you know is a secret but it makes you right. Don't do it, it will damage relationships and your reputation. A wise person has a reputation for being able to keep confidences. Its a good reputation to have because people will come to you at their times of vunerability if they know they can trust you, and you get chance to point them to Christ.
Have a blessed week
Love Ps mark and Nina

i have found myself in that situation so so so so so so so so many times
i'm glad i have the word of God to teach me,
and to help me guard my heart and my tongue.
how great is the word of God?
soooo good :D

****

also look what my daddy's colleagues sent around thru email:

Dear Uncle,

Wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

This guy never sleeps. Works incessantly and tirelessly. Good at heart. Loves to help people. At his age, he should be enjoying life outside work but no, he tells me “He loves working at Nu Skin and still has the passion to take things to another level”. He reminds me of Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester United team manager), a winner many times over and someone who just don’t know when to stop. My hats off to you Jaya! Have a wonderful birthday!

Hardworking, energetic, helpful and great in coming up with an idea to solve a problem. ~ Warehouse team


awwwwwhhhhhhhh

i knew i wasn't exaggerating when i said my daddy is a superman :D

i soooo wanna go home and give him huge kiss on his pokey unshaven cheeks!

and hm maybe i do look a little bit like daddy
:D
yay!